Who am I?

I am: counting

2011-06-22T21:42:00.001-07:00

7 more days til debt free status!

I am: seeing the light

2011-05-31T19:07:00.000-07:00

I am just one month away from being debt free!

I was initially thinking about paying off everything in the month of June, but my security gland told me that using my emergency fund to finally be debt free is a bad idea. So I'm holding off until next month, my birth month. I think that will be the best present I could get myself: to be free of the chains of debt.

The biggest problem I was having was wanting to delay my debt free status. I know that I could see the light, but I wanted get some stuff-some really nice stuff. I then remembered one of the quotes that Dave Ramsey says on his show: "Children do what feels good. Adults make a plan & execute it." I knew that the stuff that I wanted could wait. In fact, they would wait for a long while.

I need to stay strong this next month. I can see the light.

I am: rejected

2011-05-28T06:47:00.001-07:00

What do you do when God says no to everything you ask?

You wait for His timing, not yours.

I am: unhappy?

2011-05-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

From last night's episode of House:

Unhappy people do reckless things. - Dr. Cuddy

I am: near the finish line

2011-05-06T12:51:00.000-07:00

I'm just about debt free! Just one more month. I can see the light...

However I was really really really really *catches breath* really tempted to get some really cool gear this month. With all the camera gear rising up in prices due to short supply/high demand there were a couple of deals I wanted snag. I kept thinking, I could wait another month to be debt free, it's ok to wait. Then I realized how I've been working really really hard the past couple of years to get to this point: to finally be debt free. I don't want to delay it any more!

First plan of action after clicking over to my final payment is call Dave Ramsey on his radio show. Or I could save up money for a trip to Nashville, TN and tell him myself! I haven't taken a vacation in a while... I definitely need one to go celebrate!

I can't wait for the next couple of months to come by fast!

I am: Abusing grace?

2011-05-02T23:37:00.000-07:00

I was reading my Daily Bread the other day and this passage struck me:

In Romans 6, Paul spoke directly to the point. “Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?” He gave a short, explosive answer: “Certainly not!” (vv.1-2) and used an analogy that starkly contrasts death and life. “How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?” (v.2). No Christian resurrected to new life should be pining for sin.

I don't go out everyday looking to sin, but the temptations are out there. However some of my sins seem to be pleasurable that I want to go there. That is wrong. I am wrong. I'm like a dog returning to my vomit. Gross.

[Abusing Grace? - RBC Ministries]

I have everything I need

2011-04-11T21:25:00.000-07:00

I've been going about this all the wrong way. Going to my friend's church in Maryland over the weekend has opened my eyes to this passage in God's word:

He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Romans 8:32

I've been complaining that I'm not getting what I want out of life, my career, and my future. The truth is that it's by God's grace that I'm alive at this very moment. And by God's grace I have what I need. So I should be content with what I have. It's more than enough for me.

I don't deserve grace, but God gave it to us.

Reality slap

2011-04-03T01:25:00.000-07:00

Thank you Lord for having my patient teach me about patience yesterday.

I'm such an idiot.

Needing a new family

2011-03-22T22:33:00.000-07:00

Looking for a new church. Again.

Lord lead me to the right place to serve you.

New verse for the year

2011-01-11T22:51:00.000-08:00

Psalm 37:7-9  
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.

Oh how hard it is to wait upon the Lord. It's not easy.

I am: debt snowball'n (cont)

2010-11-02T04:16:00.000-07:00

This am I just paid off my last student loan.

After the confirmation page popped up on my screen I put my hands up in a victory pose.

It feels AWESOME!

I only have the car left to pay off and depending on happens in the next couple of weeks I may just sell it off.

Thank you God for giving me the discipline to handle my finances. Also to my accountability group as well.

I'm almost on Baby Step 3... I can't wait!

I am: weak

2010-10-26T20:00:00.000-07:00

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (New International Version)

⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

[Biblegateway.com]

I am: hates who I've been

2010-10-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

Romans 7:14-25 (New International Version)

¹⁴We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
²¹So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²²For in my inner being I delight in God's law; ²³but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. ²⁴What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? ²⁵Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

[Biblegateway.com]

I am: unworthy

2010-08-30T22:02:00.000-07:00

Amazing love, how can it be
That You, my King, should die for me?
Amazing love, I know it's true
It's my joy to honor You
In all I do, to honor You

--Amazing Love - Newsboys

I'm such a screw up, but God loves me.

Lord help me to live in future grace.

I am: struggling with change

2010-08-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The WorldA Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change - Michael Jackson

Changing for what's right can be difficult, especially when what you've been doing for so long has felt right and felt good.

Lord please break down this prideful heart that I've created.

I am: living by future grace

2010-08-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

Here's a quote from the book I'm reading.

"We can say that true gratitude does not give rise to the debtor's ethic because it gives rise to faith in future grace. With true gratitude there is such a delight in the worth of God's past grace, that we are driven on to experience more and more of it in the future...it is done by transforming gratitude into faith as it turns from contemplating the pleasures of past grace and starts contemplating the promises of the future. " — John Piper

My mind is blown by the future couple of chapters. It's a different perspective than what I've been taught as a kid.

I'm still don't understand it all, but I'm not alone reading this book. My mentor and I are going through the book together.

More to come...

I am: a plastic surgeon

2010-07-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

Today I became a plastic surgeon. I have cut up my last credit card.

I have cut up all my credit cards and closed all my credit card accounts. Chase was trying to get me to stay with them over the phone as I called to close the account. It's as if they were begging me to stay with them. They kept saying that I should keep it for my credit score and for emergencies (at 20.74%?! PLEEEEEEEEZE). I told them I don't need you anymore - I have cash available. There is no need to borrow money from you guys or anyone ever again.

I have just obtained a free credit report check, placed freezes on my credit reports, and will be mailing my Opt-out permanent request to stop banks and insurance companies from sending me pre-approved credit junk mail.

Why did I do all this? I won't be needing credit to buy ANYTHING EVER AGAIN. Freezing my credit report helps protect my name and my identity information from being misused. I can always temporarily lift the freeze if need be, but the freeze will be in place 99% of the time. I don't need pre-approved credit junk mail to tempt me into getting another credit card. Those days are OVER. I have drawn the line.

I feel like a burden has been lifted off of my shoulders. It's a great feeling of relief that these chains have been unshackled from me. I feel like lifting my hands up into a victory pose for a win over this battle, but the war isn't done yet.

I'm still on Dave Ramsey's Baby Step 2, but I'm looking at 8-10 months left before I am debt free!!! While working on my debt snowball, the possibility of job related moving has risen, so I'm making a separate emergency fund on top of my current $1000.00 emergency fund. This way I can plan for my possible unpredicted move and still have a fund for other emergencies.

I'm feeling motivated and excited about whipping my money into shape. I feel more in control of my finances by making a written budget every money, using an envelope system for food , and making a timeline for my debt snowball. My pocketbook is getting its swole on.

I plan to volunteer at the Dave Ramsey Live Event in Raleigh, NC on September 1, 2010. I've learned so much about not only prioritizing my finances, but also my life. It's a great feeling! I want others to have this great feeling that I have too.

I want to leave you with an episode of the Dave Ramsey Show that focuses on military families. These families go through a lot with the separation of a spouse going over seas to fight America's wars to protect and to serve. It can be hard for soldiers to stay focused on the mission when they're thinking about their house or car being repossessed. It's a matter of deployment readiness. It's important to keep your pocketbook in check prior to going out for deployment.

I am: convicted

2010-07-06T05:20:00.000-07:00

Got this quote from my friend Grace:

"A hypocrite issomeone who hides his sin from the faithful and his faith from the sinful." --Rick Holland

Stab into my heart.

I am: liberated

2010-05-30T21:25:00.001-07:00

Christ has liberated us into freedom. Therefore stand firm and don't submit again to yoke of slavery. Galations 5:1

But sometimes I still feel entrapped by my sin. Lord set me free.

I am: living

2010-05-20T09:29:00.000-07:00

The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
I live this moment as my last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today

-- Rent

I am: X_X (again)

2010-05-08T07:52:00.000-07:00

Lord grant me the strength to work my 6th of 7th shift of work this week. Oh and please let me get some sleep. I still haven't transitioned from night shift to day shift yet.

I need a vacation...

23 days and counting.

I am: X_X

2010-04-26T01:49:00.000-07:00

X_X

I hate switching my biological clock from night shift to day shift.

At least I'll get to live like a normal person for the next 3 months.

But what's normal about me? I don't know. =D

i am: gazelle intense

2010-04-21T02:30:00.001-07:00

2 down, 4 to go! I'm getting closer to debt free status! *woot woot*

Another credit card has bit the dust. *snip snip* The federal tax return helped me out a lot, but I'm not happy that I gave the government so much money at 0% interest. I could have used that money to pay off my debts faster. Grr...

I should be able to knock the next 3 buggers in the next couple of months. The last one is the car payment. Then it's time to save 3-6 months of expensive before checking out investments. Dave Ramsey's plan is working!

"Personal finance is 80% behavior and 20% head knowledge" - Dave Ramsey

I am: not a quitter

2010-04-04T23:57:00.000-07:00

"Winners never quit. Quitters never win." - Vince Lombardi

I'm finally feeling better! I started off slow last week getting back into my workout schedule by only doing running 10 miles. Hopefully I can keep bumping it up every week. My body is still adjusting from sick-mode to super-physically-active-mode.

Running gives me a chance to let go, clear my mind, or consolidate my thoughts. As I was running last week, I wanted to stop. My breathing was irregular, my legs were feeling heavy, and the sun was just beating down with no mercy in sight. Several times, I did stop. Each time I did I got mad at myself. Then I justified my stopping by telling myself you're just getting back into it, take it slow.

By the end of the week I was feeling better and went out for a long 4-5 mile run. I made it my goal to not stop, but to keep going. If it hurts, just push on through; tough it out. Alas, I didn't reach my goal and had to stop a couple of times. I got my self hyped up again to keep going even thought I stopped. I kept telling myself cheesy motivational quotes and phrases.

I finally finished my run. I was sore and tired after working a 12 hour night shift prior to running. But I had finished.

Giving into sin is like stopping during a run. It distracts us from our goal, from completing the race. It can bring us down, create doubtful thoughts about our salvation, and turn us away from the Father. This is true with sins that we struggle with. The temptation to commit that favorite sin lurks around us waiting for the right moment to present itself. It's saying, just this once, it feels good, you deserve this, no one is watching, God forgave you last time, etc.

You may be in the same boat as me struggling with a particular favorite sin or sins, but don't lose hope. Remember Jesus already won the battle of Calvary when He paid for our sins with his blood. Confess your sin to God, repent, continue to read God's word, pray, and seek counsel in a trusted accountability partner. Do all this with a violent righteous manner. Get fierce in conquering your sin! Don't give Satan a foothold (Ephesians 4:27). Get back up in the race. Finish strong.

When you get back up, remember to keep going with the full armor of God.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,"

Ephesians 6:10-18

Fight on my brothers and sisters. I'm struggling with you, but I'm not quitting.

I am: (in)dependent

2010-03-27T23:43:00.001-07:00

Ever since I moved out of the house 1.5 years ago, I kept thinking to myself, I'm going to be independent. I'm going to go out into the world and do things on my own for the first time. I've lived at home for 22 years and it's time to life my life.

When I got to my duty station I met up with a friend from my training class and we explored the new city that we were going to live in. After I got my apartment I asked a friend to help me with getting furniture into my truck. When I had my eye surgery I had a friend of mine take me to and from the hospital. When I had my wisdom teeth removed my pastor was kind enough to take me to and from the hospital. When flying out of town, I asked a friend of mine to drop me to and from the airport. When I was sick I had friends from church that would bring me food and visit to check up on me.

Am I really independent? The truth is, I'm always dependent on someone else. I'm living alone, but I'm always needing assistance because I cannot do it all on my own. Somethings I can do, but not everything.

I first thought I wasn't really growing up in that I was depending on others, but I learned it's ok to ask for help. Imagine me trying to drive home after my eye surgery or try to feed myself while drugged up on pain medication from getting my wisdom teeth pulled. There would be no way I could those things without someone to assist me.

Jesus reminds us that we can do nothing without him.

"I am the vine, you are the branches: He that abides in me, and I in him, the same brings forth much fruit: for without me you can do nothing." John 15:5

We may need assistance from time to time, but we will need God all the time. He's available all the time. All we need to do is ask our heavenly father in prayer.

I am: in need of a nurse

2010-03-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

Being sick is not fun.

Sleep around all day. Feeling groggy every time you wake up. Every thing tastes bitter, when you have the desire to eat. Body aches all over. Pressure in my sinuses. Stuff coming out of my nose.

It's not fun indeed.

Being a nurse I tend to my patient's needs and can take care of some of their wants while they are in the hospital. Right now, I'd like some of that TLC (tender loving care) right now. I've eaten all the available food that I can handle, I'm tired of cereal, and about drugged up to go drive anywhere to get supplies.

I'm glad my sister called and I got to talk to my mom. Just knowing someone is thinking, caring, praying for my recovery makes me feel better. I'm still coughing and still having this throbbing headache, but my spirit is lifted and I have a smile on my face.

Is this feeling patients like to have while their in the hospital? Do they come for the medicine or more for the customer service? What do they remember the most: the doctor that they see once a day that told them they can have this one pill, or the nurse that tended to them all day long?

I like this feeling. In fact, I would like feeling right now. So, if you are a female nurse that is available to take care of me for the weekend while I get better, I will be gladly appreciative of your services. =D

I want to feel better...

I am: bitter

2010-03-18T21:39:00.000-07:00

I finally found out what I was feeling the last couple of weeks: bitterness.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines bitter as

Difficult or distasteful to accept, admit, or bear
Resulting from or expressive of severe grief, anguish, or disappointment

These two definitions clearly describe my current feelings about my current situation. It has affected my attitude and my thoughts.

My bitterness has caused me to become jealous, to be a complainer, and induced self misery. I am truly not happy about what is going on and it is eating me up.

I need to not be bitter. It's taking the joy out of day to day things. It's distracting my mind, it's affecting my attitude at work. I am not at peace.

Some of the things I need to get over this bitterness are some of the fruits of the spirit:

Love - to love is not to be bitter
Joy - in knowing what God has done for me
Peace - in knowing that God has His future for me
Longsuffering - to deal with this bitterness and move on

I was playing racquetball the other day and realized that I kept rushing the to meet the ball after the serve. Every time I did that I'd come up short against the wall or it would hit the tip of my racquet. My partner told me I need to take my time and focus on where the ball is going to be. Let it go so that way it comes back to you to make a return or kill shot, he said. After I started listening and following what my partner told me I finally won a game, the 6th out of 6 games.

So my options are: wait for a response from my boss for a the assignment I requested (which could be next year), go up to my boss' boss and let them know how I feel respectfully, or brush the whole thing off and just wait my turn next year.

Overall, I don't want to be bitter about this. Or anything. I want to live my life to the fullest for God with no regrets.

I am: called according to His purpose

2010-03-11T13:48:00.000-08:00

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to
them who are the called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

I'm don't know whether I should still be feeling concerning my situation, but this verse is giving me some comfort.

I am: pissed off

2010-03-10T00:16:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's because I haven't slept well lately. Maybe it's because my schedule keeps flipping me from nights to days to nights to days then nights. Maybe it's because I haven't been working out regularly because my sleep cycle is off. Maybe it's because I'm not getting what I want. Or maybe because someone I know has what I want and I can't get it. It could be one or more of these things, but I'm really pissed off.

At work I do my job, taking care of patients, but also volunteer to do other things around the hospital. I teach, I work odd tasks on my days off, I work on research projects; I put in my time and then some, but I feel like I'm getting shafted. Sure the hospital gets a lot of the benefit, but I'm doing all of this to reach my goal, that dream assignment.

I find out a fellow co-worker and friend has reached my goal. I am happy for him. However, I'm his senior in terms of length of servitude at the hospital, yet he has obtained my dream assignment before me. My boss tells me that several factors come to play when giving out slots for this dream assignment that I long for: length of servitude, seniority. and experience. I surpass my junior in all three of these areas. Yet he gets the assignment that I've told my boss about for many months.

I am not mad at my friend. I'm mad at my boss in making giving my friend this assignment. It doesn't seem fair. I have done more of my fair share for my unit and to the hospital itself. I have stayed long hours, volunteered to do extra duties after my 12 hour night shift, and still feel like I'm getting the short stick.

I don't know if doing else extra is worth it if I can't reach my goal. I'll just put on the green suit, go to work, and go home. If going on and above is not recognized and rewarded, what's the point?

I need to just cool down before I do something or say something stupid. Or if I could just get some sleep...

Up in 3 hours for volunteer photoshoot at work...

I am: risking my love

2010-03-08T00:23:00.000-08:00

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly
be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact,
you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully
around your hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up
safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe,
dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will
become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or
at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven
where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love
is Hell. (The Four Loves, chapter 6) - C.S. Lewis

I am not perfect. I am flawed because I am human and sinful by nature. You will find that there are things about me that may disgust you. I apologize, I understand my faults and past sins. I have accepted them and am living on through the lessons from those experiences. There is no point in living with regret.

I want to love you; no if or buts, no strings attached - just in all certainty love you. I want to give you my heart in hopes that you will accept it in its current exposed and vulnerable state. In doing so I know I am taking a risk: a risk of rejection, a risk of disappointment, a risk of being broken from this act. I understand these risks and am willing to accept the consequences that may occur.

So I offer my self, my life, my entity to you. I am wide open to you. It is yours if you are willing to take it. My love, my passion, my all can be yours with a single word. What will it be?

[Quote via Boundless.org]

I am: a sleep-less zombie

2010-03-04T01:10:00.000-08:00

What to do at 3am in the morning? Good time to workout, edit photos, check Facebook, check 1st month bill reminders, and quiet time with God.

Work is killing my sleep schedule again. The flop from nights to days and next week to nights is not fun. So many things are happening right now. With me being half awake and needing caffeine every couple of hours I feel that I'm behind on what's going on. However, this morning is a good time for me to talk to God and sort out a plan what works for God. After all, I belong to Him.

So far God's telling me to: wait. Soooo not my personality. I like to get things done immediately and ASAP. When my tasks aren't, I get frustrated/angry, I worry. Does getting frustrated/angry and worrying get the job done quicker? NO.

I find when I'm frustrated/angry I don't make clear thoughtful decisions. They are rash and sometimes irrational. Worry doesn't expedite the solution, but it makes me feel that I'm doing something. I have to be doing something. It's who I am.

Doors have closed on me lately, but new doors have opened. At some doors I'm continually knocking until they open. I hope the noise gets through. The squeeky wheel gets the oil.

So until the door opens, I will wait Lord.

But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.—Romans 8:25

I am: debt snowball'n

2010-02-27T11:40:00.000-08:00

I'm working on Baby Step 2 of Dave Ramsey's Total Money Make Over. I am proud to say that I have paid of my first credit card! I got one when I bought my iPhone last June. It was at 0% for 12 months, so I figured that I could divide the cost by 12 and pay if off during that time, but now that learned that borrowing is not responsible, I've decided to pay if off completely.

It's a liberating feeling to be not chained by a payment or credit card company. After I clicked the confirmation button I felt like a burden was lifted off my shoulders.

I've got 2 more credit cards, 2 student loans, and a car payment I need to get rid of. I should be able to tackle everything within 2 years and be debt free!!! I can't wait to call on to Dave Ramsey's radio show and scream out my freedom.

And yes I got rid of my 2008 Toyota Tacoma 4x4 SR5. How I miss her so... but she was so heavy on the wallet. Had to cut her loose.

Romans 13:8 "Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law."

I am: infectious

2010-01-10T21:22:00.001-08:00

Happy 2010! I know I'm 11 days late, but a lot has happened the last 11 days. The most horrible thing that's happened is I've gotten sick. The PA said it's viral, but if it doesn't go away in a couple of days it's probably bacterial and I'll need antibiotics.

It's day 5 and I'm still coughing... It's mostly likely bacterial. Great. The problem I'm having is that none of the meds prescribed to me help me stop coughing at night when I'm sleeping. Coughing at night prevents me from getting adequate REM sleep. I feel myself waking up in the middle of the night just to cough. It's getting real annoying. I feel like I was in a daze the last couple of days and not very productive because I didn't have the energy to do anything at all.

I hope I can get something to help me sleep this week. It's going to be a long week at work...

Since it's 2010 and I want to start something new, let's start with a list of 10 things I want to do this year:

Mission trip to Philippines
Deploy overseas
Obtain financial peace
Read God's word more
Explore my creativity with photography
Visit TONS of new places
Take LOTS and LOTS of photo of cool things I see
Save up for a piano for my apartment
Be more involved in church
Bring someone to Christ

It's a hefty list, but I hope to accomplish it this year!

What's your 10 things to do in 2010?

P.S. Winter Jam 2010 was AWESOME. Pictures to be posted this week when it slows down. Here's a preview:

Mac Powell from Third Day
Unedited photo

I love my Nikkor 70-200mm F/2.8 lens. :)

I am: clasping

2009-12-22T09:59:00.000-08:00

Ahhh the holidays. Where friends and family get together to wrap each other in song, food, and company. Don't forget the tacky sweaters worn at family photos. Oh how those sweaters go out of style so fast...

This year will be the first year that I will be away from home for the holidays: Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. Christmas is really not a big deal in our family, but Thanksgiving and New Years are important to me. During these two holidays all of the family get together and we celebrate life: the memories and making memories.

My favorite memory was staying up all night at my aunt's house in Pasadena, who lives across the street from where the Rose Parade passes by. We would help her out by "guarding" the spot on the grass median so that the family can watch the parade go by up close and personal. We would have shifts so people wouldn't get tired. One year my relatives got their musical instruments and asked me to do a jam session with them with me on the piano. We had bongos, a guitar, me on piano, and the family as our vocals. We started with Christmas songs, then got into other old hits back from their days. Remembering them singing, remembering them laughing - I miss it.

I'm glad I'm able to cherish the memories I had with family and friends over the years. I hope this year will be just as memorable or even more so than before.

Good bye 2009, welcome 2010!

P.S. I've already made some plans for 2010. One of them is Winter Jam 2010 in Fayetteville, NC on January 9, 2010. I just bought my VIP ticket! *woot* More info about Winter Jam 2010 here.

The line up is as follows

Third Day
Newsboys
NewSong
Tenth Avenue North
Fireflight
Sidewalk Prophets
Robert Pierre
Revive
Guest Speaker Tony Nolan

Can't wait! Third day is one of my favorite Christian bands.

I am: consolidating

2009-12-12T22:15:00.000-08:00

And when you offer the blind as a sacrifice,

Is it not evil?
And when you offer the lame and sick,
Is it not evil?
Offer it then to your governor!
Would he be pleased with you?
Would he accept you favorably?”
Says the LORD of hosts.

Malachi 1:8

God hates leftovers. - Chapter 5

Crazy Love by Francis Chan

I am: downgrading

2009-12-08T15:40:00.000-08:00

**New Layout! I messed up my counter, so I'm back to zero. =(

Christmas time. The time of the year where people spend spend spend in order to give give give. I've already done my Christmas shopping and I didn't exceed my Christmas giving budget.

So does that mean that I can spend more? Sure, but I'm not going to. I've got other goals I'm reaching for and every bit I can put into those envelopes the soon I can accomplish them.

After listening to syndicated radio talk show host Dave Ramsey I've realized how irresponsible I have been with my money. It's been about a year that I started getting a steady paycheck from my job. Going back on my record keeping I've found out that my money has been going to places in which it would have been the same as throwing it in the trash can. Thanks to Dave Ramsey I've realized the important things to live:

Food - gotta eat
Shelter - gotta sleep
Clothing - can't work nekked
Transportation - to go to and from work

With every paycheck I need to fill 3 envelopes:

Spending - bills, car payment, rent, mortgage, utilities
Saving - emergency fund, investing, roth IRA, money market, new camera stuff =)
Giving - tithe to church

One of the things I'm downgrading from is cable. I find myself sitting in front of the computer than being in front of the television. I'll miss those HD channels, especially seeing my NBA games in HD, but I can always go out to a restaurant to go watch the game with friends.

Several hours after I dropped off the cable converter box the cable company calls me up trying to get me to sign up for cable again, this time at a discount. It was tempting, but I knew I could live without it. I've got alternatives: Boxee, Hulu, and if I wanted to pay, Netflix.

Listening to Dave Ramsey showed me that the Bible has wisdom about financial responsibility.

Planning

Proverbs 27:23 Pay careful attention to the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds, for riches do not last forever, nor does a crown last from generation to generation.

Discipline

Proverbs 14:23 In all hard work there is profit, but merely talking about it only brings poverty.

Contentment

Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have.

I recommend The Total Money Make Over for anyone who's earning any amount of money. It's currently $10 for this Christmas season if you follow the link (I have no vested interest in this book).

I wonder what else I can live without...

I am: burdened

2009-12-05T21:16:00.000-08:00

My mind is killing me.

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. - Pslam 55:22

I am: stuck

2009-11-20T08:31:00.000-08:00

The last photoshoots I've done lately have been enjoyable and have been a lot of fun. I love seeing new things and meeting new people everywhere I go. These photoshoots allow me to do that.

After every shoot that I do I take time to go through the photos and ask myself, is this a good shot? Did I capture the moment the way my client wants me to? Being a new established work-for-hire photographer, this has changed my mind set on how my photos should turn out. Sure, people say I have a good eye, but I tend to doubt myself at times. That's where my group of photographers come in. If I have a question about something they are willing to help out to correct and bring up suggestions in a constructive manner. It's always to have another pair of eyes to see another's perspective.

Now that I've gotten several shoots down in the last couple of months, I've been thinking about whether or not I can pursue this hobby into a career, or as the phrase goes, go pro. Recently I've developed a photoblog on Tumblr, a Facebook Fan page and had my logo developed to be my watermark, my symbol, to be me. There is a lot of work that needs to be done when going this type of business, plus my number one job as an Army Nurse Corps Officer in the United States Army. There is just a lot of questions right now on what path I should take. There are many roads that are open to me; I just don't know which one to go on.

A couple verses that come to mind are:

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heartand lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 4:11-12 "I have directed you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in upright paths."

Lord, show me which way to go.

I am: memorizing

2009-11-04T21:11:00.000-08:00

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. "
Psalm 119:105

I've started putting verses around my apartment complex again. The 2 places I spend the most are at my computer lair and in the bathroom (other than my bedroom sleeping). I'm going through the Navigator's topical memory system. My goal is to go through 2 verses a week. I've been lagging, but I know I need to get these verses down.

Philippians 4:8 is not on the TMC, but it's a great reminder of arming ourselves mentally against harmful thoughts, sexual impurities, and insulting gestures.

New verse goes up this Sunday.

I am: looking for my destination

2009-10-30T07:47:00.001-07:00

"The man who walks with God always gets to his destination." - unknown

I am: not ready

2009-10-12T18:59:00.000-07:00

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." Song of Solomon 2:7

I am: Scottish (for a day)

2009-10-04T23:43:00.001-07:00

On Saturday I went out to the Highland Games in Laurinburg, NC. Learned about the Scottish heritage, ate a meat pie, watched the athletes, played with weapons, and listened to the pipe and drum bands.

The music was the most fascinating feature of this event. Pipes, drums, fiddles; all were played in different styles from old to new. There was even a rock 'n roll band with pipes playing!

My favorite part was at the closing ceremony where all the pipe and drum bands got together for one mass ensemble for Amazing Grace. What a chilling and exciting moment.

Still working on pictures from the event. Currently working on engagement photos/video for my friend's wedding this weekend.

Looking forward to:
-North Carolina State Fair
-Blink 182 concert in Charlotte, NC
-Oktoberfest

October is going to be a busy month!

I am: Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

2009-10-02T07:24:00.000-07:00

I am on the GO!

Crazy night shifts at work lately. I have to sacrifice some sleep time to meet with clients who want to line me up for their events this fall. Fall and winter time is starting to look pretty good. I'm limiting my bookings due to my crazy working schedule, but getting out there to take photos of people is what I enjoy doing. I love being paid to do something that I love to do. Dinner parties and retirement parties are the biggest hits so far.

I've learned how to survive with limited or without much sleep lately. However this week it's been catching up to me. Yesterday I met with a client after a 12 hour night shift at the hospital and planned on doing a boat load of things after a quick power nap. I didn't wake up until about it was time for me to go to work. Some power nap. They say that sleep is a way God lets us know we are human. I believe that.

I am: feeling better, but not up to par

2009-09-29T08:20:00.000-07:00

I've neglected this blog for a while and it's time for an update! I've busy posting my experiences in the Army on my other blog. Be sure to check it out!

Health-wise I was down with a viral infection last month. I just needed rest. Then the viral infection got to my lungs. I was hack'n and coughing all over the place. I just needed rest and some stuff to take care of the symptoms. I got a lingering cough, but I'm not letting it affect my busy lifestyle. I'm back to working out, working night shift, and doing what I can to help out at church.

I feel that I'm trying to fill in the time that I have until the "next thing" happens in my life. I'm crank'n up the workout routine, I'm involved with committees at work, I'm planning out events with friends, and I've been getting paid photo gigs. Boy does it feel good to be paid to do something you love to do. I'm liking how comfortable everything is, but there is uncertainty in the air and it's been bugging me.

I need to use this time to train myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. Things are calm for the moment. I'm enjoying it. I'm working on my book list. My running buddy Ryan and I are crank'n up the milage on our runs. I'm working on my spiritual growth with church and Navigators. However, I could use an accountability partner that is in physical proximity rather than contact via phone/AIM/Skype.

Lord, in this time of calm, please direct me in the way you want me to go. You know my heart's desire and ambitions in my career, but you also know what's best and right for me. Please help me to remember Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

I am: waving

2009-08-28T07:07:00.000-07:00

Once again I am waving farewell to friends who are leaving.

I've made a lot of new friends since I've moved to North Carolina in January of this year - friends at work and friends at church. I've been having a great time with all the new people God has placed in my life. However, it is that time where people are moving away for school and where the call of duty needs to be answered. Time for farewell parties, last group photos, and contact information exchanges.

Saying goodbye is always hard. I think it's even harder to say goodbye to my military buddies. They are going to places where they they will be placed in the heat of the battle. Will they come back in one piece? Will they return alive walking or will they return with a flag over their body? I have yet to see battle, but I have seen the consequences of battle while working at the hospital. It's not a pretty sight.

Until brothers and sisters come back I'll be praying for their safety, maintaining contact with them as much as possible, hoping for their return.

See ya'll when you get back!

I am: photo burnt-out

2009-07-25T12:35:00.000-07:00

Taking photos can be exhausting. I feel that I don't want to touch my camera for a while.

In the past week I've been around Maryland and went to Vans Warped Tour in Charlotte, NC. In Maryland I spent 2 days in Baltimore for Otakon, the east coast's largest anime convention, and stayed around in the DC area. VWT was a full day of loud music, crazy loud people, and opportunities to meet with artists.

Photography can be a full body sport. First you must be good physical shape to be able to walk all throughout the day, to be able to fight through the crowds, carry your equipment with you, and be flexible enough to take photos from different angles. At Otakon I had to go through the crowds to get my way to a group of cosplayers while they were still there. If I was late, I wouldn't have been able to get the shot I want. It's a bother to get people together after they've been asked so many times throughout the day. It can be annoying.

Photography can be a mentally demanding as well. Composition, lighting, aperture, shutter speed, angle, depth of field; these are some of the things that go on in my mind when I take a photo. After taking 1000+ throughout the day it takes a toll on the mind as well as on the body when you're running around.

The most frustrating part was post-processing all the photos I took. Thank goodness for Adobe Photoshop and Bridge for being useful tools. First was to sort the ones I wanted to take, edit that batch, then upload. I had the hardest time trying to batch process a watermark. It was frustrating so I decided not to batch process.

I am burnt out. This is a lot of work. Plus working at the hospital at night on 12 hours shifts adds to the tool on my body. I'll have to rethink about the next large event I want to go on a guerilla photo op. I can handle small events not lasting all day for now.

Tips I learned for guerilla photo-ops

Pack light - Take only what you need. Carry a small bag if you need. Remember that the bag will add weight and you'll have to carry it throughout the day.
Water - Bottles to refill or a camelbak for easy sippage of water.
Good walking shoes - Take care of your feet. Without them you won't go anywhere.
Skin protection - sunblock, hat, lip balm.
Take breaks - Rest your body and mind.
Loose fit clothing - cotton holds moisture and jeans are not flexible material. Polyester clothing does not hold moisture and is flexible material. Plus it's easier to pack when traveling.
Point and shoot camera - Always carry a side arm with your dSLR.
iPhone cell phone charger - When taking a break recharge when necessary.
Snacks - Refuel the body and mind.
iPhone - always. =) Really helped when looking for food around Inner Harbor in Baltimore.

I am: 7600 feet high above sea level

2009-07-11T18:01:00.001-07:00

Top of Half Dome
Originally uploaded by j3ku

I conquered Half Dome! 8.2 miles up and 8.2 miles down at Yosemite National Park. Photos here on Flickr: http://tiny.cc/57TrT

Here are the things I brought:
- Camelbak (3 Liters)
- 2 MREs
- Granola bars
- Wool socks (2)
- hiking boots
- long pants
- cotton shirt (should have brought polyester)
- whistle

- reflector belt
- hat
- knife
- lots and lots of snacks
- sunglasses
- headlamp (just in case it got dark)
- sunscreen
- Nikon D40 w/18-200mm f/3.5-3.6
- iPhone 3GS

Things I should have brought
- Garlic/mosquito repellant (bugs were relentless)
- Poncho (thunderstormed on us)
- Water filter (ran out of water while up there. DON'T DRINK STAGNANT WATER)
- Polyester shirt

We started out at 7pm at Trail head. We decided to take the Horse Trail up. This trail is usually the longer trail, but it was very scenic. It was also the most smelliest though with all the horse feces around. This route let us to Nevada falls. Gorgeous white water falls. We even saw a rainbow!

The trails were clearly marked with signs, wooden branches, and massive stair-master steps. The toughest part going up were the last 4 miles. Massive incline through the forest with tailbacks followed by stair-master 1000 aka sub-dome to the base of Half Dome.

Half Dome is set up with massive cables to make a trail. These cables were set up by the Sierra Club in 1919. The stakes are hammered into the solid rock and wooden planks are set as foot holders. It is about a 50 degree incline going up.

The route to go up took about 30 mins due to people slowing up pace. They were taking up their sweet time because of their fear. There were adults were clearly dealing with issues while clinging onto their lives on the cables. It look a LOT of encouragement and anger from the people backed up to get these people going.

The view at the top was awesome! While at the top I sat and just thought about all that God had made. Everything we saw at 7600 feet above sea level was created by Him. What an awesome God!

We took the Mist Trail back down to Yosemite Valley. This was stair-master 9000! It was beautiful path climbing down the side of one of the waterfalls. And it was very wet. We also got wet when we were about half way back to the valley. First we heard thunder, then saw dark clouds, then finally the rain. Soon after that lighting. Thank God it was only for about 30 mins.

The total trip 8.2 miles going up took 5.5 hours via the Horse Trail. It took 3 hours back down via the Mist Trail. We got back at 7pm tired, sweaty, hungry, and sore.

It was an amazing workout and experience. I'm glad I got to go up with Ryan and Gunawan. I haven't seen them in a long time. Being on a 16 mile hike really allows people to catch up with each other. I regret that now that I'm living in North Carolina that I finally take the opportunity to go to Half Dome in California, California who has been my home for the past 19 years.

What's next? I hear the highest point of the Appalachian mountains is in North Carolina, about 6000 feet. Time to follow in the footsteps of our early American explorers.

I am: now an iPhone user

2009-06-21T20:43:00.000-07:00

Woot! I got my first iPhone last Friday! I'm on night shift at the hospital so I decided to sleep on my futon in my living room so I can hear UPS knock on my door and say, "Your package has arrived." At 9am it came!

All my unboxing photos and videos are on Facebook. This is not a comphrensive review of the iPhone 3G S. Instead of a review this is a thought of inspiration of the iPhone as a tool of a photographer inspired by Chase Jarvis.

Chase Jarvis is a professional photographer and director. He uses Twitter and Facebook to update his followers of his latest gigs and blogs. One thing he's facinated about is his iPhone and how he uses it to take many photographs a day. He posts them frequently from his iPhone with various shots a day.

Jarvis' blog talks about many things related to photography, but what facinates me is his entries about the future of photography. The iPhone's camera plus capability to share photos has revolutionized the world of photograhpy. Photographs can be taken anywhere and everywhere with tools such as the iPhone.

Before my iPhone I used my Canon Powershot SD870IS with me everywhere to take photos. I love it. It's small, portable, and has a good wide angle lens to capture landscapes and groups of people. I use it for everyday purposes and to capture fun events.

Now that my iPhone has a 3.2 MP camera and video with the same capablities as my Canon, do I really need to carry my point and shoot around any more? I've been testing out my iPhone's camera and have been able to get great shots with it. It's autofocus feature lets me get depth of field and macro shots. Plus, I can edit my photos with free applications for the iPhone, ON the iPhone. When I'm done processing them, I can instantly upload them or share them with the world. I can't do that with my Canon.

So the question is, do I retire my former beloved Canon Powershot SD870IS? I'll have to get back to you on that...

I am: an offended musician

2009-06-19T23:40:00.000-07:00

Last week I had the opporutnity to see The Fray in Charlotte, NC at the grand opening concert of The Music Factory; an outdoor lawn/seated venue that can hold up to 5,000 people.

Jack's Mannequin played prior to The Fray. I've heard some of their stuff on the radio before and never really thought much about it. As they played I started to get into it, until at the end of of one of their songs, the lead singer backs away from his piano, leaps onto the piano, and onto the keys of the piano. He stands on top and strikes a pose to the crowd while on the black and white piano keys. He does this not once, but twice.

After I saw this the first time I was shocked. The second time I was furious. Being a pianist for many years I have respected the pianos that I've played throughout the years. I have gotten to learn how the instrument I play is carefully crafted by hand and the care that is needed to make sure that it plays properly. Having my own piano at home taught me responsibility: if I don't take care of my instrument, my instrument will not take care of me.

Jumping onto the piano keys is not taking care of that instrument.

Guitar rock stars do a similar gesture when they close out the show by smashing their guitars all over the place. Low class, disrespectful, and just plain outright stupid.

I still get pissed at artists who leap on top of pianos for performace moves. The Jonas Brothers has done it and the lead singer from The Fray did it that night. I don't like seeing it. It makes me mad.

Concert artists: don't stand on pianos. It's an insult to the instrument. It offends me. It offends me as a pianist, as a musician, as a lover of music.

I am: waterproof

2009-06-05T13:28:00.001-07:00

Canon WP-DC17
Originally uploaded by j3ku

Perfect for my beach trip tomorrow! Got it delivered today for a great promotional price from Canon for my Canon Powershot SD870is.

Who knows that secrets lie beneath the waters of the Atlantic...

I am: shutter deprived

2009-06-03T23:01:00.000-07:00

After reading about the new stuff Nikon is coming out with this year, reading about Chase Jarvis' speaking engagement in Colorado coming up, and seeing my friend Rendy Lai's recent photoshoot - I want to get out there and just start... snapping.

I got my new prime lens and I want to start snapping!

Nikon 35mm F/1.8 DX

I've been shooting my Nikon D40 with a 18-200mm VR. I like having a mid-range telephoto, but the lens is not fast enough for low light conditions. I've gotten to test it out a bit, but not enough time to fully see what this lens can do.

I've been dealing with some copyright infringement issues lately with my photos on Flickr. I don't mind people using my photos, I just ask that they credit me. After all, it's my work.

I was able to get credit for my work on this article (see 42-inch Pizza). Took some emailing back and forth to get my name underneath my picture. One solution to prevent this from happening less is to watermark my photos. The only thing is to come up with a cool watermark... Will get back to you on that one.

I am: nostalgic

2009-06-01T02:00:00.000-07:00

The other day I attended one of the youth's spring music concert (band/orchestra/choir). It brought me back to my days in high school when I used to be in band and choir.

I remember my first marching band parade. I remember band camp. I remember the football games which caused my ears to ring by the end of the night.

I remember the nervousness of meeting my choir director (he was 6' 9" I was a mere 5'). I remember my first choral festival and stepping on the stage. I remember the feeling I had after the last note during our competition in the Royal Academy of Music in London, England. I remember the NUMEROUS singing fundraisers our choir group went on during the Christmas season (40+ performances in 20 days).

Seeing those kids on stage brought me back to my high school days. The friendships, the bonds, the crazy times with the people brought together to share in the passion of music; those were the days. It also reminded me of how great Glee will be this coming fall on FOX. The first episode had an awesome ending sequence.

I'll make the difference - Lewis Chapel Middle School

Glee - This fall on FOX!

I am: wisdom-less

2009-05-14T18:35:00.000-07:00

One day, a man walks into a dentists office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth. "Eighty dollars", says the dentist.

"That's a ridiculous amount!", the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?"

"Well...", the dentist says, "if you don't use an aesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60." Looking annoyed the man says, "That's still too expensive!"

"Okay", says the dentist. "If I save on anaesthetics and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $20".

"Nope, moans the man, "it's still too much!". "Well", says the dentist, scratching his head, "if I let one of my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $10."

"Marvellous!", says the man, "Book my wife for next Tuesday."

From - http://www.aarons-jokes.com/joke-4614.shtml

I got all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled out yesterday! They were impacted and started hurting more last week. I'm glad to get those suckers out.

I liked being under deep sedation. Last thing I remembered was the anesthesiologist asking if I liked 80's reggae. I said sure. That was about 930am. The next I know I wake up with ice packs on my jaw wrapped around my head, gauze in my mouth, and my hunger pain being a very high number. This all happened at 11am. 1.5 hours from my life unaccounted! So freaky, so cool.

My current diet for the weekend is chunky soups, pudding, yogurt, and lots of ice cream! I'm going to be a big fatty after the next 10 days... The pain is bearable. The bleeding stopped a couple hours after the surgery. Just have to wait it out before I can start being active, again...

I am: still awake

2009-04-28T22:29:00.000-07:00

My sleep schedule the last week or so has been very off. Allergies have and a nasty dry cough have made me unable to have a good rest. For work I load up on pure will power, but that even that needs support with old 'ol legalized drug caffeine. Benadryl is my friend...

My profile is almost over, I can start working out again! It's just so hard to replace my de-stressor (working out). Nothing like a good game of basketball, the wind knocked out of you after a game of racquetball, or the soreness of legs after a long run can give me a sense of satisfaction (and endorphins).

I've been finding other things to do while I can't work out. It's not the same, but gets my mind off of it.

Photo Gallery: I finally have a small gallery in my living room! I decided to use pictures that I've taken, blow them up, put them in frames, and hang them. Now my walls aren't white anymore! It's something pleasant to look at. My favorite is a collage of pictures of my friends. I look at that when come back from work to sit on my couch.

Guitar: Thanks to my buddy Ryan, I now have a musical instrument to play! I really miss my piano, but until I budget for one (and wait for a good deal) I will teach myself to play. My sister showed me a lot of stuff back home and my bass guitar skills are helping, but my fingers just aren't used to the strings. Hopefully after my calluses form I'll be able to play better. I've had one jam session with Ryan about 2 weeks ago. We looked up songs online and started playing differing riffs with each of us playing lead at various times. Music is very therapeutic.

I hope this week I can get my sleep schedule back to normal. Having a couple of hours of sleep prior to a 12 hour shift at the hospital isn't good...

1 Peter 5:8 "Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour"

I am: weak but He is strong

2009-04-11T21:49:00.000-07:00

EVERYBODY HAS PROBLEMS.

That is the truth that a pastor preached a couple of weeks ago in Maryland. It's also a truth for me: I have problems. My problems have been hitting me hard in the last month. It is so much harder being alone. Temptations come more frequently, depression stays longer, and thoughts linger in places where they shouldn't.

Things I need to work on (notes from the sermon):
- Recognize God is with me during tough times
- Not allow the difficult event to overshadow the process of life
- Commit myself to a lifestyle of learning & growth

While working through my situation I need to understand how I can utilize this tough time to my advantage:
- God lead re-direction
- Self examination
- Correction

I'm still going through this adjustment phase of transitioning to a new job, new environment, and new people. Things are still being put together, but I can feel God's presence working in my life. I believe God has set me up with a church here. It was such a divine sequence of events that lead me to this church and after meeting with them twice, I believe this is the place where I can serve God with my brothers and sisters in the Lord.

Maryland has brought me many blessings in my life. I wonder... Nah, I'll just pray about it and wait on God's timing.

I am: aware

2009-03-29T20:19:00.000-07:00

4 states of condition that make us more vulnerable to Satan's temptations:

S - spiritual high
T - tired
A - alone
B - bored

What is your status? Take note of your condition before Satan takes a "stab" at you.

I am: Filipino?

2009-03-27T15:20:00.000-07:00

The three kinds of Filipinos in our modern American society are labeled as such:
- The Twinkie
- The Ghetto
- The FOB

The Twinkie: yellow on the outside, white on the inside. These Filipinos have embraced American culture to the fullest in their attitude and style. These are the Abercrombie, the Hollister, the American Apparel; they try to fit into the 90210 and OC crowd in their lavish lifestyles and gatherings. In reality they are superficial and shallow, only caring about who they’re with, what toys they have, where is the next drunken party at, and what crazy picture they are going to post on the internet.

The Ghetto is the Filipino assimilating into American black culture: hip-hop, dancing, and basketball. These Filipinos are the most creative of the three as evidence to their rebellion to society: crazy hairstyles, hip-hop groups, and baggy-styled outfits. They are deep thinkers, but are guided by their emotion that is expressed in music, dance, and art. They want to be accepted for who they are and stand out to get attention.

The FOB (Fresh off the Boat): the Filipino who totally embraces his/her culture and then some. This person is easily spotted by their accent, their lack of style, and refusal to eat a meal without rice. They have strong values heavily influenced by family whom they refused to disobey. Are very respectful people, often seen as shy and friendly as evidenced by their smile. They don’t like to cause problems, but are not strong instigators. They are known for being hard workers, but lack strong leadership.

There are course hybrids and mixtures of the 3, but these are the three general types of Filipinos I see in today’s society in America.

What am I? I feel that I am a mutt of the three, but am stronger in the FOB area. I believe this because of how I was raised. As I see myself relate to others everyday the more I start to understand of who I am. Only time and experience will show me who I truly am.

I am: worried

2009-03-22T19:51:00.000-07:00

Matthew 6:25-34

25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life ?

28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Sleep needs to come back to me. Ugh. There is no need for me to be worried because I know that God is in control. So, why am I worried? I thought my day trip to Myrtle Beach would hep me gather and organize my thoughts. Now that I've come back, I feel that I am challenged again: Will my skills as a nurse improve? Will I ever find the right church? Are my leadership skills adequate in my workplace? Where is my core? When she will be revealed to me?

All these questions, they are on my mind. I feel a break down coming. I must do what I can to stop it.

Lord let me confine in you.

I am: missing home

2009-02-26T20:40:00.000-08:00

'nuff said.

I am: S.A.D.

2009-02-12T22:34:00.001-08:00

Maryland this weekend! Finally getting out of North Carolina.

It's ok here, but I miss seeing large big buildings instead of large green trees. I'm still not used to it. I did have a good 3.5 mile run through the woods the other day. However there wasn't much for me to look at along the way enough to distract my mind from the pain in my quads. Trees, trees, oh look more trees! That's all I see...

Side note: With S.A.D. coming about I've been doing some reading about biblical dating from Boundless.org One article talked about how there is no specific guidelines about how dating in the 21st century should go, but points out that biblical dating puts commitment before intimacy. This is opposite of what is considered modern dating. What I got out of most of the articles is to glorify God in my relationship: am I keeping myself pure, am I resisting temptation, am I valuing what is good for her soul, etc.

The apartment needs a photo-op! I'll see if I can clean the place nice enough to get some pics in next week.

I am: overthinking

2009-02-11T03:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes being a guy sucks at times...

overthinking - relient k

i was thinking
over thinking
cause there's just too many scenarios
to analayze
look in my eyes
cause you're my dream please come true

i was thinking
over thinking
about exactly how i'm not exactly him
i'll break my heart in two
more times than you could ever do
cause you're my dream please come true

cause i think way too much
on a one track mind
and you're so out of touch
cause i'm so far behind

i can't deny this anymore, the facts ignored all done before
and if there's one in this world,
you let me know you're not that girl

i was sinking
lower, sinking
cause i lost the things i held on to
they let me think a thought
a thought that i would know was not
of seeing my dream come true

i was thinking
over thinking
about how far i had let this go
one more guy/girl chiché
i know now you're just in the way
of me and my dream come true

cause i think way too much
on a one track mind
and you're so out of touch
cause i'm so far behind
i'm trying to make sense
out of all of this
while your fading scent
just slips through my grip

i can't deny this anymore, the facts ignored all done before
and if there's one in this world,
you let me know you're not that girl

don't touch the positive with the negative end
don't touch the positive with the negative end
cause after all of the sparks you're still alone in the dark
cause after all of the sparks you're left alone in the dark

and while i'm able, i think i'll label
experience with you as a mistake
and while i'm at it, i'll say i've had it
experience with you is a mistake

cause i think way too much
on a one track mind
and you're so out of touch
cause i'm so far behind
i'm trying to make sense
out of all of this
while your fading scent
just slips through my grip

i was thinking
over thinking
cause there's just too many scenarios
to think about
to figure out
if you're my dream please come true

I am: waiting to be anointed by His glory

2009-02-01T20:38:00.000-08:00

Let Your Glory Fall
David Ruis

Father of creation
Unfold Your sovereign plan
Raise up a chosen generation
That will march through the land

All of creation is longing
For Your unveiling of power
Would You release Your anointing
O God, let this be the hour

Chorus
Let Your glory fall in this room
Let it go forth from here to the nations
Let Your fragrance rest in this place
As we gather to seek Your face

Ruler of the nations
The world has yet to see
The full release of Your promise
The church in victory

Turn to us, Lord, and touch us
Make us strong in Your might
Overcome our weakness
That we could stand up and fight

Bridge
Let Your kingdom come
Let Your will be done
Let us see on earth
The glory of Your Son

I am: church hunting

2009-01-26T20:00:00.000-08:00

Work has begun! It's pretty easy for now, just orientation for the next couple of weeks. It'll be good to get into a routine again: work, workout, cook, clean, pay bills, etc.

Finding a church has been a problem lately. I thought I found one near my apartment, but my parents want me to find a filipino church. When I tell them about the other church I found they have disapproval in their tone of voice and ask about if I've found a filipino church. I've given the filipino church 2 Sundays, but with no success. The first church told me they moved to the other side of town, 40 mins away, and when I went to it the following Sunday, the sponsoring church said that the filipino church hops every Sunday. A church with a home church building hops from church to church? Something doesn't sound right. Even though my parents know the struggle I'm going through to find these filipinos they still want me to contact them. I'm meh. However, I'm curious to find out what this congregation will be like. I think I'll give them one more shot. However, I'm frustrated. Not even their sponsoring church knows where they are every Sunday.

I've started on the workout routine again at the apt. I need to find a good gym on post so I can find some people to play b-ball with. Good cardio and leg workout. I'm interested in the P90X workout program some of my friends are on. The diet and nutrition is what I need help on. Being on my own means fending for food on my own, but I want to know what healthy meals I can eat while toning up this bod.

President's day weekend is next month! Time to plan for that 3 or 4 day weekend. My commander hasn't told me if we get the 13th as a training holiday. No flying this time, I'll be driving to wherever I'm going. I love exploring, but I hate driving. Ugh.

-- "Profanity is the attempt of a lazy and feeble mind to express itself forcefully" - Mark Twain

I am: finally at my own place

2009-01-12T19:35:00.001-08:00

I have an apartment! Tonight is the first time that I'm actually sleeping in it. I'm excited. I finally have my OWN place.

I have been living at home all my life. The longest time I've been away from home was summer of 2007 for about 8 weeks. I don't think I was homesick because I knew that I would be coming home after training. But now I'm not going home, not for a while anyway.

Getting my new pad set up has been really busy and tiring, but a lot of fun! I've been all over IKEA, Craigslist, and Freecycle to save as much money as possible. I can look at my living room and say that most of the stuff was given free or bought dirt cheap. Now I can splurge on a glass L-shaped desk, 32" LCD HDTV, and a 26" monitor.

The hardest thing about living at my apartment is that I'm on the third floor with no elevator. It was difficult moving all that free furniture especially the washer and dryer up 3 flights of stairs. What a work out! But I like being up here. My workstation over looks the other complexes and has a good view of the sky. It's pleasant to look at and a good distraction for when I get frustrated on a paper.

The kitchen, bathroom, living room, and study room are pretty much set except for some lights and shelves. The bed room is going to be more work. I have a queen sized mattress, but want a headboard, a chest, and a changing table. A dresser could work too. I don't have a lot of storage space so I need to hide all my gear somehow... My camping gear doesn't fit in the closet and doesn't fit the theme of the rooom.

I'll be sure to post pictures once I get everything set up. I'll have before/after pictures as well.

Time to hunt for more free stuff!

I am: homeless

2009-01-05T21:44:00.000-08:00

It's so different not having a place of my own. I'm still looking for a place to live here in Fayetteville, NC. Apartment searching is still going, but I have a couple of things that I want at my new place:

Location far, but not far from work
Gated community
Reasonable cost
Bathroom in room (I don't want to have to travel far to go to the bathroom at night, ya know?)

Safety is the biggest thing on my mind next to distance. Reports I've found noted a large number of vandalism incidents in the area. A gated community would provide a safer environment as well as piece of mind.

I hope to not be homeless by the end of the week. It would be nice to finally have a place of my own, my home.

On another note -
The weather here has been soggy: rain, cloudy, foggy; not much sun around here so far. I'm hoping the weather can clear up so I can take some nice pictures around post. It's so different seeing trees everywhere. So much different than California. I feel lost off-post because it seems that I already passed the same patch of forest several times. GPS isn't too friendly here. Have to go old school: paper maps.

I am: learning and applying for 2009

2009-01-01T23:13:00.000-08:00

*woot* 2009 is here!
What a tremendous year! I feel that I accomplished a lot in the last year. Let’s recap some of the great moments and accomplishments of 2008:

Graduation
I now have my Bachelor’s degree in nursing! Four years of hard work paid off. Usually nursing school plus prerequisites is finished in at least five years, some cases four and a half years, but I was able to do it in four years! What a load I carried. I’m just glad it’s over. No more school for me for a while… And what a graduation party I had!

NCLEX results
I have my nursing license! Who wants a foley, an IV, and an enema?

Commissioning as a 2LT
I have completed four years of ROTC, passed LDAC, and finished my BSN. Now I’m on my way in the big Army to work as a nurse to take care of soldiers. I have finished OBLC at Ft. Sam Houston, TX and now ready to work at Womack Army Medical Center in Ft. Bragg, NC. My career is just starting!

Steady paycheck
With new job comes new paycheck! It’s so awesome to see my bank account have money every two weeks. But it’s heartbreaking to see money being deducted for taxes and bills every month. Learning to budget my finances has become fun for me. There are many neat ways I can make my money work for me if I put a little of it away every month. Of course, setting aside my tithes for God is a must.

Moving out
I have said good-bye to California and have said hello to my new home in North Carolina. It’s a big change in location for me. It’s away from family, friends, and the places that I know so well. I don’t know where I’m going to go for boba anymore! There isn’t any EMW Tea Co. around here.

With moving out I will be moving into my new apartment. The whole process is new to me: looking for a place to live, dealing with landlords who are not my parents, finding stuff for my place, and paying MORE bills. This is a big step for me in growing up. I am really going to start my adulthood in North Carolina.

My first vehicle
My 2008 Toyota Tacoma Double Cab 4x4 SR5 aka Blue Belle. Not much more to say about her except that she’s beautiful and my burden to pay off for the next couple of years.

In addition to accomplishing all these things I have learned a lot during the past year:

God’s timing
I found it hard to be patient for certain things. I always wanted to rush things so I can get them done, check them off my list, and go to the next thing to be accomplished. My NCLEX took all summer, but I finally passed it! During the process of studying I learned more about trusting in
God and asking for His help to help me study to get my nursing license.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.
Matthew 6:33

Food, shelter, transportation, and yes, a boyfriend/girlfriend can be yours if God comes first in your life! Sounds cheesy no? But it works. God will provide if you put him on put of your list.

Also remember your priorities. Look at your checklist and see what you need to accomplish. Ask yourself, “Am I focused at the task at hand?” “What is distracting me from reaching my goal?” “What do I need to do to get job done?”

Let your head rule your heart
I have found that my emotions can cloud my judgment. I’m glad I have good friends who can shine light into my problems. It’s good to have another perspective when dealing with emotional issues. It may seem fitting to go with your emotions because they have such a strong driving force, but the logical answer is usually the best one. You don’t want to do the logical answer, but you also know it’s the best one for your situation.

A lot of things happened in 2008. I’m glad they all happened. They all happened for a reason. Now I will take the lessons that I’ve learned and apply them to 2009.

I am: celebrating Jesus' birth

2008-12-24T21:32:00.000-08:00

I'm glad to be home for Christmas! About 12 hours of being on the airport/airplane I'm glad to be with family.

Merry Christmas! God bless and have a happy new year!

Pics of my awesome road trip to North Carolina next blog.

I am: TNCC certified!

2008-12-15T22:37:00.000-08:00

I'm glad I passed my Trauma Nursing Care Course this past weekend. I did not like studying for it, but while studying I went to Starbucks and had a study group; it reminded me of nursing school. And for a moment, just a brief moment, I missed nursing school. But just for a BRIEF moment...

I think I missed nursing school because I really like studying with my crew. We would go out to Denny's or the student union building to study. Sometimes we order pizza so we can continue to cram. When we needed a break we went downstairs to go bowl or play pool. Life in college was good. Real world is so much different.

I'm just about ready leave for Ft. Bragg this weekend. I got my bed cover and windows tinted, both bought at a really good price IMO. I just need to outprocess out of this post and load my stuff with Blue Belle. The only places I plan on visiting is New Orleans. I want to spend a day taking pictures of that area. There is so much culture that I want to work on getting it with Nikki.

I will miss San Antonio, TX; but I will not miss the traffic, lack of indoor smoking regulations, and VERY POOR customer service. I hope Ft. Bragg will be better. We will see...

Time line:

Friday - Outprocess/last night in San Antonio
Sat - Tues - travel to Ft. Bragg, NC

I am: thankful

2008-11-28T00:15:00.000-08:00

(Some) Things I'm thankful for:

I'm back at home safely
I'm alive
Key lime cheesecake
Family
Friends
42" Pizzas
My job
and for Jesus dying on the cross for me to save me from my sins

Happy gobble gobble day!

I am: a cowboy baby!

2008-11-23T18:32:00.001-08:00

I gots me my cowboy outfit today.

Yeeeeeeee-haw!

I am: still awake O_O

2008-11-23T05:28:00.000-08:00

Ugh.

Going out to the field and coming back to civilization really messed up my sleep schedule again this past week. I felt that I got more REM sleep out in the field than I currently do now. The last 2 nights I've been waking up every 2 hours or so feeling restless. Then around 5 or 6am I roll over restlessly trying to go back to sleep, but fail.

A couple of things I've been thinking about:
Home -
My Dad called me up about 2 weeks ago and offered to pay for my trip home for thanksgiving. Totally out of the blue! My parents didn't offer to pay for Christmas, so I guess something is really special this year. My plan was to stay in San Antonio for Thanksgiving with my friends, but that is not the case now. I really wanted to stay here during that 4-day weekend, but who can pass up a free flight home across country? As field training ended progressed to the end of last week I found myself thinking about home more often. I wasn't thinking about it at first, but now that I have a passage and reason for going home, it feels more meaningful to go home. Even talking with my classmates about our Thanksgiving plans got me even more excited to go home. Even though I know the "real" reason my parents want me home...

Ft. Bragg, NC -
There are many people that are heading to Bragg that I've become friends with here at OBLC. I'm glad that I've found some cool people to hang with and to do things with once we get some free time from work. Some concerns I have are about getting settled: housing, furniture, and location of apt/quarters. Most of these will be taken care of at Bragg, but I want to get ahead of the game.

"Taken" people -
-- I started typing this section and decided not to put my full thoughts about this subject. However, I will say that it's important to protect myself and be mindful about what's in my surroundings. --

The ethical stuff has been more of a concern to me than everything else. I'm glad my conscience is working and working well here. I feel somewhat vulnerable from my base where I know the area and the people.

One quote that has been helping me out was one that my great former choral director and now retired choral director, Robert Bullwinkel, told our group whenever we go out on choral trips around America and overseas: "When in doubt, don't." True. Very true.

I am: wide awake O_O

2008-11-16T19:27:00.000-08:00

Sleep is important for the human body. It helps the brain organize the thoughts of the day into long-term memory, helps heal the body, and allows the body to rest. Not having sleep can really mess you up.

I have gotten used to the sleep schedule while here at OBLC. I get to bed early enough so that I can wake up at 4 or 5am in the morning for training. Even while we are in the field we have time to sleep in-between classes and even a chance to sleep at 8pm at night! That's too early for me though.

Over thinking, worrying, and coffee are things that keep me up. Sometimes I won't sleep because I consume myself with my thoughts. Prayer, writing, and talking it out has been helpful, but sometimes I still occupy myself at night when we have down time to sit and worry. I'm glad during the day we are busy so that it is not on my mind, but when I have a chance to sit alone I pick up where I left off and worry/think again.

I need to remember Matthew 6:34 "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." God is in control. He knows my future and because I am a child of God, He will take care of me, but not only me, but His other children. Including those who have fallen away from His presence. God's grace and mercy are ready to given if they just ask, why don't they just accept it? Hasn't living in pain caused them enough suffering? It amazes me how much pride some people have that they refuse help when given to them. By holding on they believe they are in control. They refuse to let go.

Solution: just let go. Then hold on to Jesus. So easy a blind man, a man with leprosy, a crippled man, a fisherman, a widow, and even a cheating tax collector can do it.

I am: leaving, but not on a jet plane

2008-10-08T11:57:00.000-07:00

*WOOT*

Praise God for the awesome things that has happened in the last month:

I got my RN license
I got orders
I got my new 2008 Toyota Tacoma SR5 4x4 double cab

All the glory goes to God. Now it's off to serve my country.

Timeline

October 10-14 - Drive out to Ft. Sam Houston, TX
October 14-December 19 - Officer's Basic Leadership Course - AMEDD
December 19-22 Drive out to Ft. Bragg, NC
Janurary 2, 2009 - Report date

Lots going on in the next couple of months!

Will be starting a new blog about my experience in the military starting with OBLC.

Thank you for all your prayers and support. I couldn't have made it without you.

My new truck at the dealership

My recent road trip to Universal Studios Hollywood with friends

Going away party tomorrow night. See you all then!

I am: not giving up

2008-08-31T14:00:00.000-07:00

DON’T GIVE UP
Rick Muchow

Don’t give up, someone really loves you
Don’t give up, someone really cares
Don’t give up, someone really loves you
And that someone is the Lord

Keep the faith, someone really loves you
Keep the faith, someone really cares
Keep the faith, someone really loves you
And that someone is God.

I am: "insane in the membrane, insane in the brain!"

2008-08-26T19:31:00.000-07:00

While studying this summer for my NCLEX I found what I am seriously scared of: being alone with my thoughts. I feel like I'm a paranoid schizophrenic at times: my sleep schedule is off, I'm feeling nervousness, I have withdrawn myself from family and friends, and I find myself arguing with myself in my mind.

In my mind I'm constantly thinking about the recent things that have happened this summer. Breaking up is hard to do, but healing is even harder. It will take time, but even so it's hard to heal and focus on the most important test of my life at the same time.

Other things going on in my mind are all the stupid and shameful things that I've done in my life; from when I was a kid to when I'm an adult. They range from silly things that anyone would excuse to things that I'm not proud of. When these flashbacks of these events pop in my head I cower and I feel guilty of doing them. "Why would I do that? What would make me do such a thing?" are the questions that I ask myself. These "attacks" continue as I sleep in the night. Sleepless and restless nights do not help me study the next day.

Why do I think about these things? Maybe I have time to reflect on them? Maybe I'm A.D.D.? Maybe I choose to think of these things?

I feel that these "battles" in my mind are at a spiritual level. As a Christian my "struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12) The task at hand is to study to pass my NCLEX. I understand that this is the path that God wants me to go. However, Satan is trying to distract me from reaching my goal. Filling me with guilt and shame of the sins I have commited in the past, decieving me into thinking that I cannot pass this test; these are the flamming arrows that Paul talks about in Ephesians 6.

Paul also talks about putting on the armor of God as a way to fight against the devil. Some armor pieces that have really protected me are the breastplate of righteousness, the shield of faith, and the sword of the spirit. The breastplate guards my what I believe in my heart: I have accepted Jesus into my heart as my Lord and Savior because He died on the cross for my sins and rose again. The shield has helped me defend myself against the "attacks" but lately I feel that I've been getting more hurt lately. The sword of the spirit which is represented by the word of God has been my weapon against these "attacks." I'm really glad those verses that I learned as a kid are popping up in my head as well as the songs I've learned as church. Just hearing the verses, promises of God, and singing about God's greatness and glory fills me with hope and assurance. Assurance that I am not alone in this battle because He is with me.

God is not only with me, my brothers and sisters in Christ are with me too. Thank you all for your supporting words and comments. They really bright up my day in my lonely room. I truely miss being in your company and fellowship. When I have overcome this trial I will join you God willing. Please continue to keep me in your prayers. Just as Paul prayed I also pray this, "Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should." Ephesians 6:19-20

I am: seeing clearly

2008-08-11T01:42:00.000-07:00

My sister is back from her tour of Europe and Russia! She got home last Thursday from L.A. As much as I really really really miss my sister, I realize that I have to share the bathroom. I was so used to waking up in the morning with the bathroom door open to me rather it be shut for 30 more minutes. I was so used to the convenience of going number-two without someone banging on the door to hurry up. It's difficult to complete my business when someone's pressuring me, ya know?

Anyway, I haven't been wearing my contacts lately so I decided to wear them for church last Sunday. I put both of them on and looked at the mirror. I couldn't see myself clearly. I blinked twice, but I still couldn't see! I thought I had something in my eye; nope they were clean. I thought it was the contacts; nope no debris. I then thought that since that I hadn't worn them in a while and they were in the case for about a week that they were bad even though they were in solution. I decided to wear my glasses to church.

I get a call during praise rehearsal from Royce. She asks me, "Are you wearing my contacts?" I told her no, but then I got the lightning rod struck me: the contacts I put on this morning were ROYCE'S CONTACTS! She has a lower grade than me so it makes sense why I couldn't see. I apologized and we decided to get different colored contact lens cases.

This incident related to the sermon that morning about the blind man that was healed by Jesus (John 9). There were two points that really spoke out to me that relate with vision. The first was about obedience. Jesus put some of His spit mixed with mud and put it on the blind man's eyes. Then He told him to go wash it out. The blind man could have wiped away the spit/mud-mix and said, "WTH! This isn't food!" (being born blind, this blind man was dependent on others to provide for him), but instead the blind man believed that he could be healed by Jesus if he obeyed His command by washing off the spit/mud-mix from his eyes. Point 1: We cannot know God's vision if we do not obey through faith.

The second point describes the spit/mud-mix. There is no indication or rationale for why Jesus decided to use this as the remedy to heal this blind man. Jesus healed other blind men without using this treatment. Yet with this odd mixture, Jesus healed this blind man. Point 2: We cannot know God's vision if we don't get a little dirty.

How it relates to me:
I know that God's vision for me is to serve in the United States Army as an Nurse Corps Officer. He has made that clear to me when He gave me that nursing scholarship four years ago. However, it was not clear to me until near the end of my senior year of high school. After various letters came in the mail and doors closing, I turned to God for guidance. Through prayer and patiently waiting on God, He led me to the interview that would lay out the next four years. But I did not see God's vision for me at first. I had to go through various application processes, write letters, standardized tests, etc. God did not give this to me on a silver plater. I had to get dirty in order to see what God has in store for me.

Now that I have completed nursing school, obtaining my license is the only thing I need to start my career. Studying for this exam has been a very trying time in my life. But God's vision is clear to me. I need to be strong. I need to persevere. I need to focus. I need to obey through faith.

Trust and obey,
for there's no other way
To be happy with Jesus,
But to trust and obey.

- John H. Sammis

I am: falling on Jesus

2008-08-10T00:40:00.000-07:00

I've been a flurry of emotions lately. This nursing licensing exam is one of the most stressful, frustrating, heartbreaking experiences I have ever faced. Being locked up in my room to study for hours and only going out to use the bathroom and eat isn't the best experience in the world. Despite the hardship (and the longing for physical contact/interaction with people), it's comforting to know that God is always there when I'm down, when I'm depressed, and when I think I can't do it. He is my strength when I am weak, He is the treasure that I seek, He is my all in all.

Chris Rice's Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus) reminds me of Jesus' unconditional love He has for us. All we need to do is come to Him when we are in sorrow, in joy, in pain, and in thankfulness When I remember that I'm not living for myself, but for God, I know He can do great things in me. I want to be the tree firmly planted by streams of water so I can prosper in everything that I do (Psalm 1:3), but to do that I need to come to Jesus.

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall...so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

I am: serving pt.2

2008-07-25T15:53:00.000-07:00

(pt.2 of previous post)

We had a several difficulties during our clean up mission. One included getting dumpsters out to several of the home sites. The private dumpster company would not cooperate with us for some odd reason. The account was made by the church willing to pay for it, the dumpster bins were already paid for, and home sites were already noted to where to deliver them to. However, there was still difficulty getting them out there. Only later in the week we found out that the homes we wanted to send the bins out to were managed by another dumpster location (same company) but in the next county. So we call the company in the other county and they gave us more problems. So frustrating! We did all we could in the week were there to get those bins out to the homes we were helping.

Another issue we had during clean up was communication. My cell phone didn’t work (stupid AT&T) but Verizon did (stupid AT&T). However, Verizon didn’t work well when we were helping with the homes that were hit on Summit Rd. Our group was split up during 2 different home sites: one on top of the hill and one on another hill several miles away. Neither of our cell phone services worked as well as the radios we had. The radios were most effective when they were line-of-sight. One time I was used as messenger by being dropped off at an intersection (a dirt and dusty one). I was instructed to wait until the other people in our team drove by the intersection that I was sitting on. Imagine this: waiting in the middle of a burnt forest intersection, no cell phone service, no radio contact with anyone, alone. We definitely need to get satellite phones next time.
Despite all the difficulties we had, I do believe we did make an impact to those we were around during this week. One couple helped out had several cars and trailers along with their home destroyed due to the fires. The girlfriend of the homeowner who lived with him was not handling the current situation well. We helped the homeowner collect the ash, sort the bricks, and move several large objects on his property with the front-skid-loader. We even helped find 2 cups of melted gold and other fine metals. The spot that we found them in may have been where the jewelry box was in their home. After we were finished, he said that he believes his girlfriend would be able to come up the mountain to see the progress that was being made towards starting a new home.

Another person waved me to talk to them at another home. He asked me how much we were being paid to clean up the burnt down home. I told him it was free. This person was surprised and said, “For free?” I began to tell him that it was God that lead this team to come out and help those were not able to help themselves because of this fire. I told him about our week and the different places we went to. He just kept repeating, “For free?” I guess some people can’t believe people would do all that work for absolutely nothing.

Volunteering my time also made an impact on me. God answered my prayers about signing up on this clean up crew for the week. I had a lot of things on my mind that I needed to sort out about myself, my relationships with others, my motives, my future, and my walk with God. While working the shovel, shifting through the ash, and by driving around the front-skid-loader, I was able to listen to what God had to say to me. He showed me that serving others really makes you humble. The sifting incident really helped me learn that. I also learned that our actions really speak louder than words. It would be too easy to say, “I hope you make it out ok,” but actually taking the time out to help someone really says something. It shows concern, kindness, thoughtfulness, and selflessness. This was also an opportunity to share Jesus with others. We would talk with the owner not only about where to stack the pile of metal and ash, but also if there was anything we could pray for them about. After each job site was completed, the team that finished the site gathered in a circle of prayer with the homeowner, with the homeowner’s permission. With prayer, having our team chaplain speak with the homeowner, and leaving a tract about why the SBC Disaster Team does what it does, we made a difference in Santa Cruz county. I pray that the souls of those we talked to come to know Christ Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

Some melted gold we found

Before

After

I am: serving pt.1

2008-07-20T20:44:00.000-07:00

From Jul 14-18, 2008 I volunteered my time with the Southern Baptist Convention Disaster Relief Team in Santa Cruz county, CA. Our job during those 5 days was to help those who needed help with clean up of their homes due to the recent fires in Santa Cruz county, most notably Big Sur.

The next couple of blogs will be addressing the time I spent with this team in this fashion:
- Background info
- Daily Schedule
- Homes we worked on
- Impact we made on others
- Impact made on me
- What's next for me

The Southern Baptist Convention Disaster Relief teams formed by each state and are deployed to where ever they are needed. The SBC DF team has been deployed to NYC after 9/11, New Orleans after Katrina, and even in Souther California during the fires during Nov 2007. Other than disasters in America, the SBC DF team also responds to international disasters such as the 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake which created tsunamis that devestated the region. The SBC DF teams work with the American Red Cross and other organizations to help with clean up, mass feedings, digging of wells, and rebuilding of homes. (More about SBC DF team making an impact click here: http://www.bpnews.net/bpnews.asp?id=28336&ref=BPNews-RSSFeed0620)

Our priority in helping those affected by the fires in Santa Cruz county was to help those without insurance. There were many people that we helped who did not have insurance as well as home owners who had unpermited homes. The county decided not to give help to these people because they built their homes illegally. (Source: http://www.santacruzsentinel.com/ci_9585591) It is because of those who need help from these types of disasters that these Disaster Teams are formed. "We do all this to glorify Jesus in the presence of people who are hurting and need help. This gives us an opportunity to share Jesus and His love." (Source: http://www.csbc.com/article140992.htm)

Our daily schedule
- Wake up at 6am
- Breakfast at 7am
- Devotional/Assignments at 7.30am
- Out the door at 8am
- Cleaning up homes from 8am to 5pm
- Dinner at 6pm
- Debriefing at 8pm
- Free time after debriefing (which sometimes wasn't that much because our meetings sometimes went too long)

The homes we worked on ranged from trailers to houses. We cleaned up by sweeping up the ash, piling the brick/concrete rubble, and separating metal to be put in piles to go to the junk yard. This way the metal could bought and the home owners would have something to start their lives with. Some of the homes were two stories and you can image how much debris and ash there would be. Many of the homes I saw on Summit Road were unpermitted homes and the owners just left all their debris there, as if they never wanted to go back.

I could endure all the shoveling of ash, the hard to breathe respirator masks, and the sun beating down on the back of my neck, but the one job I had the most difficult with was sifting. Sifting is when you filter the ash through a sifting screen to look for items. There was a lady who needed sifting done on her property before taking everything out of her property to start over. She instructed us to look for some of her grandma's belongings. ARE YOU SERIOUS? was my thinking. She wanted half our team to look for sentimental items. While sifting through one of the rooms, I thought that I was wasting my time going through the pile of tile, ash, and broken pieces of pottery. For about 2 hours I didn't find anything. Although frustrated, I kept on without saying what was really on my mind. But a little while later, I started to find little objects such as cable boxes, wrenches, tools, sissors, little figurines, etc. I then started to picture in my mind where everything was before that 2 story home was burnt to a crisp. Even after we sifted for about 4 hours I still felt that we didn't do much and that we wasted our time.

The day after, we got a voicemail from the lady that we sifted for. She told us that she really appreciated us coming out to help her out find the precious things that meant a lot to her. She was also happy that one of our guys found a little angel that belonged to her grandma. She was so thrilled to see that it survived the fire. My motive in sifting was selfish, I was looking for something that would fullfil me, and sifting wasn't one of them. However, by continuing to sift and completing the task, my work blessed another who deeply appreciated the fact that someone came out of their way to help her restart her life. She wanted to collect what she could to help remember those that she loved.

Grandma's lil angel

More to come!

I am: not here at the moment...

2008-06-18T17:55:00.000-07:00

Whoa, whoa, WHOA!

Where has the time gone?! Time to update the world on what's been go'n on in my life:

I graduated from nursing school in May
I commissioned as a 2LT in the United States Army as an Army Nurse Corps officer
I'm going to Ft. Bragg, NC in the fall and will be doing this
I'm currently studying for my NCLEX (nursing licensing exam) which will be sometime this summer
I want this:2009 Toyota Corolla S
I want to go here: Half Dome - Yosemite National Park, CA
here: Singapore
and here: Tokyo, Japan
I want to see this: Phantom of the Opera in Las Vegas, NV
this again: Wicked the Musical, this time on Broadway
and these guys: Relient K at the Vans Warped Tour in Fresno, CA

I want to do so much, but first I need to work hard to play hard. This NCLEX is THE most important test in my life because it will jump start my career as a 2LT in the army and as a nurse. There is so much pressure, stress, and anxiety that revolves around this test. Sometimes I feel like puking. But, I have get it done, and when I pass, all the fun will begin.

Things keeping me sane while I study for this test:

Family
Friends
Internet
Working out
Trusting in God

So until I pass this test, I will be hidden from the world physically and internet-ly (someone needs to coin a word for not being online on facebook-myspace-AIM-blogger-twitter-etc). I apologize in advance to my friends and family who want to hang out, but I just can't. After I pass my test I'll let you know when I'm in the clear to PARRRRRRRRRR-TE!

Please keep me in your prayers this summer. They really mean a lot to me. I'll update ya'll later on in the summer. Stay cool everyone!

I am: robbed

2008-06-04T09:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was robbed.

My duffel bag was stolen from me while I was singing in the shower of an empty men's locker room after my morning workout. The thief was kind enough to leave me my running shoes and my $10 watch. I guess the thief would let me run after him/her eh?

Clothed only with my towel and shower shoes, I half-nakedly sought out the campus police to aid me. After the report was filled with the police I made numerous phone calls to my banks and to various other places.

First priority was canceling my cards. Next was getting clothed. Then getting an extra set of keys. Obtaining a new license to drive was next and followed by accessing my alternate source of cash until my new cards come in next week.

Yesterday was a huge inconvenience especially not having my cell phone. Thank God it was in my car and not in my bag. Not having my cell phone would make the day a lot worse.

Two verses that popped in my mind during this chaos were:

Romans 12:19

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."

Romans 8:28

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

God will seek justice for me because I am His child and everything will work out because I love God and I am called according to His purpose. Knowing these two verses helped me keep my composure throughout the day. It could have been a lot worse, but thank God that he helped me have back up plans and great friends to help me out. You are truly a blessing to me and I thank you for watch'n out for me.

Lessons learn:

Empty locker rooms aren't really empty
Shower at home
Don't sing in the shower as it might prevent you from hearing other people enter the locker room

I am: stranded?

2008-03-13T22:03:00.000-07:00

Status update from LAX:

I may be stuck in Hong Kong for a while... The airline messed up with my ticket. I'm scheduled to go to Bangkok, Thailand instead of going to Manila from Hong Kong.

I'm praying someone misses their flight so I can get on...

Please pray for me...

- From LAX

I am: Estactic =)

2008-03-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

Wow, I haven't been here in a long time...

Where to begin:

Senior in college
Graduation in May 2008
Commissioning ceremony to become a 2nd Lieutenant in the United States Army in May 2008
First duty station: Ft. Bragg, NC
NCLEX in June/July
Spring break: PHILIPPINES!!!

I'm so excited for this year! Everything is happening so fast. I thought high school went by fast, but was I wrong! College has been the best experience of my life. I'm so glad God has led me to the right people and the right career as an Army Nurse. HOOAH!

I leave for Philippines tonight @ 1900 from Fresno. I'll be back on the 23rd, jet lagged and all. I will be touring around the sights with family and will be the pianist at my cousin's wedding. Should be a lot of fun!

Nikki, Cami, and Mikki-boo-poo is coming with me. We'll bring back great pictures and videos.

See you back in the mainland!

I am: homesick?

2007-06-06T00:16:00.000-07:00

I came to a realization today.

This summer I will be away LONGER from home than any other time in my life.

I've been on trips here and there without my parents. Last year I went to Europe for 16 days. I didn't feel homesick. I actually wanted to stay in Italy. But this summer I will be gone for much longer than 16 days.

2 things that concern me about being away this summer

Will I be homesick?
If I'm not homesick, is that normal?

The 2nd part is what is troubling me. Is it ok to not be homesick at all? Is it possible to be away from home for long periods of time without feeling a longing to come back home?

My mom shared her experience of leaving home for the first time. She had to leave home because there were no jobs available for her. She wasn't able to come back home until about 10-12 years later. The first couple years were hard for her because she didn't have telephone access. Only snail mail was available (thank God for email). My mother said that even when I was born I did not take away her homesickness. It was even worse. She was longing to come back to her brothers and sisters and especially her papa.

I probably don't feel it now, but I will feel homesick. This is a good time to stretch out my wings and soar for a bit. After all, I'll be done with college and will be moving out next year. This is a good time to see how well I do and this will help prepare me for the future.

What's the longest you've been away from home? How did you deal with it?

I am: ready

2007-06-03T23:57:00.000-07:00

6 semesters of training comes down to 33 days of evaluation.

It is time.

I am ready.

Bring it on.

I'm leaving this Friday June 8, 2007 to Ft. Lewis, Washington for ROTC Leader Development and Assessment Course (LDAC). Thousands of ROTC cadets around the nation will be attending their LDAC regiment this summer. I will be with several hundred people I have probably never met. We will all be evaluated on our leadership skills in the field and in garrison, map reading skills, marksmanship with an M-16 rifle, physical fitness, and many more.

The one thing I really had a problem with is the swim test. YES there is a swim test that is needed to take in order to become an officer. NO I don't know why it's necessary, but I do know it is something I need to know how to do. I'm glad today I was able to work it out and find a technique that let me swim with the M-16 at a set distance. It would be very disappointing to have my commissioning as an officer be hindered by a simple swim test.

I'm just about ready to go. I finished packing last night. I'll be able to spend the next couple days to hang out with friends and family as well as do some quick review about what I have to do this summer. I have butterflies in my stomach as I'm typing this blog. It all comes down to this.

After LDAC (July 10), I'll be flying out to my follow up assignment: an internship at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C. I am assigned to work in the MICU for the next month. I'll be working with other cadets and my preceptor with patients and getting group projects completed. I know this experience will help me in my future career as an army nurse.

All this will happen this summer. I believe it will happen so fast I won't have time to process. But I do know I want LDAC to be over fast. I'll have it well in D.C. Staying at a hotel, work 3-4 days a week and 3-4 days off to go sightseeing; it'll be a blast! I'll go say hi to Lincoln, check out the archives, catch a home run ball at the Washington National's stadium, and climb the Washington Monument.

This year was the hardest for me in ROTC. I couldn't do it alone. God was there to help me in the difficult parts of training. As I look back, I see it wasn't that hard, but at the time it most definitely was. I feel God's power and glory knowing that he can work through someone like me to march a company, write OPORDs, and even pass my physical fitness test. I also thank God for giving me great mentors who have also helped me this year.

This week:

Tuesday

12am - Hang out with Friends
3pm - Hang out with mom
7pm - Cousin's graduation

Wednesday

1pm - 2pm - NCLEX review session
8pm - Bible Study

Thursday

6.30am - Golf
6pm - Family gathering/dinner

Friday

6am - Fly out to Seattle, WA; then drive south to Ft. Lewis

If ya wana hang out before I go, let me know! I appreciate the calls, prayers, emails, and comments that I've been receiving about this summer. I REALLY REALLY appreciate your words of encouragement.

Recap - Summer Schedule

LDAC

Jun 8 - Jul 10

Walter Reed

Jul 10 - Aug 1

Return back to Fresno, Cali

Aug 1

South Cali trip

Aug 9 - 11

21th Birthday party

Aug 18

School Starts

Aug 27

See you in August!

I am: sad

2007-06-03T00:31:00.000-07:00

~~Good bye~~ See you in 2 years Cherry. We'll miss ya! Be safe in the Philippines!

Group photo at Cherry's Farewell party

Final group hug

I am: rested

2007-05-20T01:14:00.000-07:00

Ah.... FINALS ARE OVA!!!

I'm glad I got done with finals a week early. I deserved it. hehe

I feel that I learned more about myself this semester than I did than the other semesters in college. I feel, more confident in what I'm doing, especially in nursing. Talking to the patients, passing meds, filling out paper work; they are all getting easier and I feel more comfortable doing it. I also feel confident about graduating ROTC camp this summer. I wasn't confident in the beginning of the semester, but now I feel that I can even achieve recondo.

Since I'm on vacation, there are a couple things I want to do:

Finally pick up my bass guitar and practice again
Form an acapella group for fun
Finish season 5 of "24"
Read a novel that I've been putting off
Las Vegas
Sleep
Paintball

Those are just a couple things. I feel that it's good to "plan" stuff over the summer, but be flexible in what may/may not happen. And always have a backup fun plan just in case. Summer boredom is HORRIBLE. Must try to avoid this as much as possible.

No, no I'm not a schedule freak. I'm not the type of person to wake up everyday at 5am and sleep at 9pm and if I don't I'll totally snap. Summer vacation is the time to relax. But it's good to do stuff that is productive. I feel better at the end of the day that I've accomplished something. There are days where I just want to sleep all day. It's ok to do it. I'm on vacation. I'll just go with the flow.

Lesson of the day:
How to make your own Quizno's mouth-watering sandwich at home

Here is Mr. Jason. He is a sandwich artist and will show you how to make your own toasty sandwich.

First, go to the market and purchase bread, cheese, and meat.
In the picture are sourdough buns, 1/2 lb provolone cheese, and 1lb pastrami.
For flavor, Mr. Jason added bacon bits on the same side as the cheese.

Set the oven on HI broil. Let it the tasty sandwiches toast for 3-4 minutes.

Check every 1-2 minutes for progress. When ready, take them out and let it sit for about a minute.

Then you are ready to eat! mMm... Toasty.

I am: ecstatic

2007-05-07T22:24:00.001-07:00

I love my new digicam!!!

Yes... the Canon Powershot SD1000. *drool* Not bad for a compact digi-cam with LOADS of features and portability. $230 for the cam, $40 for extra batt, and $10 for a decent semi-hard case. Not bad. Not bad at all.
One thing I can't get answered from Canon's website, manual, or the store people: what is the max SDHC card I can put into it? I found a 8gb SDHC I want to put in, but I don't want to buy it and find out that it will not work. Anyone know? I guess it's time to hit the forums!

Yes you are beautiful... I'm talking about my cam! Durf...
I need a name for her. *thinks*

Testing out how well I can put a panoramic shot with the new cam. YES that IS my desk. YES it is messy. YES I'll clean it up after finals are over. Sheesh. You don't have to bug me about it...

~~
For those STILL having finals *snickers* I'd like to give ya'll some tips that have been helpful to me or that I wish I should have utilized.

Recording lectures
Having an MP3 recorder or tape recorder during class helps when your professor bases the test off his/her lecture. One of my professors speaks REALLY REALLY fast. One of my classmates decided to bring a tape recorder in and after class she would dictate the notes on a MS word document and use that as a study guide. She would also listen to the tape in her car during her daily commute.

Tag-team lecture notes
Because I did not have a tape recorder for my incredibly fast talking professor, I overcame this obstacle by comparing notes with my study group in that class. We would all take notes and compare them with each other to see if we missed something. It's good to have 4-6 people doing this so that everyone will cover all the points of lecture.

Watch videos
No no, not during class, I mean the lecture. YES people DO bring video cameras in class, set them up, leave, then come back after lecture to pick up their equipment. They are good for study groups and discussion sessions. Pausing the tape to ask questions helps the group understand the content.

Listen while sleeping
I've heard from somewhere that if you play a language learning tape while your sleep every night for a month, you'll be able to pick up the language faster than if you were awake studying it. I'm not sure if that is true, but I like the concept. I have some lectures on DVD and I play them while I take a nap in the afternoon or at night. I can rest my eyes and listen at the same time. I don't know if there is way to actually prove that this works, but I seem to do well on of my finals recently. *shrugs*

Naps are good for humans as well as them lazy cats
The body needs to sleep. Taking a 10-20 min nap in the afternoon has been proven to increase productivity throughout the rest of the day. Giving your body that quick "recharge" will improve your concentration and focus.

Have some nuts, not coco beans
Frequent snacking is good way to keep your appetite satisfied during the day, but it's also good for keeping awake while studying. And it's healthy too! Instead of going to that overrated Starbucks or Seattle's Best Coffee shop and pay 5 bucks a cup, and go get some trail mix, nuts, or a granola bar. Eating makes your body and your digestive system work as well as give you energy to study.

Stop, breathe, count to three
This helps calm those butterflies in your stomach before a test. You don't want to be too stressed to take a test. However, mild anxiety has been found to be helpful for students in achieving high scores. That anxiety can give you the alertness, focus, and concentration on conquering that test. Saying a prayer before the test doesn't hurt either. God is more than capable on helping you with a test let alone the war on terrorism.

Study hard everyone!

I am: motivated

2007-05-05T21:42:00.000-07:00

YEY!!!

School is almost done for me! I've been getting weird looks and stares when I tell people that I'm done with finals on May 9th. Most of them will be done a week later or a month and a half later. hehe

Finals schedule this week

Monday

N132 - online proctored test @ 10.30am

Wednesday

N131 - online proctored test @ 10am

And then I'm done! *woot woot* And right before dead days. I can't wait! But the prob is I can't hang out with them until they are done with finals. Hurry up guys!

I am: serving

2007-04-18T22:37:00.000-07:00

I CAN'T BELIEVE I RAN OVER A BLACK CAT ON THE WAY HOME TONIGHT!

It just popped out of no where! I saw it for like have a second and looked at it, then all of the sudden, *thump thump.*

Poor cat...

~~
Does anyone know the company that made the commercial that starts off with a guy picking up a toy and giving it to the kid on the street? After that a series of good deeds occurs. I can't put my finger on it...

~~
Why did I decide to become a nurse? I'm tired all the time, I'm stressed, I have miserable days, sometimes I can't find time to eat, and I can be grumpy. What keeps me going?

I'm still looking for that answer...

I am: STILL craving

2007-04-17T23:06:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I missed out on free ice cream today. For those who didn't know, today was Free Cone Day at Ben 'n Jerry's ice cream parlors around the nation. I didn't get a chance to head over there. After my friends told me that they ranked up about 80 bucks worth of free ice cream, my mouth started to drool.

But today is just about over and I will not be able to get my free cone. BUT on May 2nd there is a 31cent ice cream scoop at Baskin-Robbins to support firefighters.

Click here for store locations near you!
http://www.baskinrobbins.com/StoreLocator/

~~
The recent shootings at Virginia Tech have made me feel a little paranoid. Just the fact that someone was able to go around a college campus unnoticed with 2 guns and a bag with ammunition and knives makes me shake a little. Today, I asked a friend of mine to go with me to meet with the pizza delivery guy just outside of our college campus building that we were studying in just so I have someone else with me. It never occurred to me all those times I went out to meet the pizza guy that something could happen. I could be stabbed, shot, or mugged.

Is it wrong to be paranoid? Webster defines paranoia as "a tendency on the part of an individual or group toward excessive or irrational suspiciousness and distrustfulness of others." Having someone with me to get the pizza doesn't seem too extreme of a case of paranoia. I see it as a safety concern. You don't want to meet the pizza out in the dark by yourself. My action was not based on irrational suspiciousness, but on common sense.

It is easy to become paranoid after hearing about this situation. Public college campuses do not have fences around the perimeter. Anyone can park as long as they pay the meter/parking pass. We have homeless people that frequently come on campus to pick up whatever they can use to their benefit. These college campuses can become easy targets for people who want to do harm to others to do so.

9/11 caused some fear and paranoia in people. After the World Trade Center towers fell it was apparent to a lot of people that it could have happened anywhere. Now that this mass murder occurred at a university, more people are certain that this situations can happen anywhere.

What can we do about our feelings? Matthew 6:25,33-34 says "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all things will be given to you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today."

Worrying does not make your problems go away. They may for a while, but then you'll start thinking about it again. So why do we worry? It may be that we feel that we are accomplishing something by worrying. Worry also doesn't help in things you cannot control, for instance the weather. Don't worry if it will rain tomorrow. Worry doesn't make the rain stop. Instead, plan on bringing an umbrella with you to work or school.

Believe it or not, God is in control everything that happens on this earth. Isn't that great? All we need to do is to trust Him and put our faith in Him. God created the heavens and the earth. God made you and me. God takes care of the little birds. How much more will he take care of us? It brings peace of mind to know that God is in charge.

I am: craving

2007-04-15T14:58:00.000-07:00

I found time to change the layout of my blogger. I don't how I did. I just had this urge to get it done. *shrugs* Tell me what you think of it!

Someone told me I'm emo based on my site. I didn't know how to respond to that. No one's told me that I am emo. I never thought of myself as emo. I gotta look into that.

~~

Signing up for classes is tomorrow! I've decided my schedule:

ANTH 161 - Bio/Behavioral Evolution of the Human Species

Nursing

N140 - Intensive Care Lecture
N140L @ Community Regional Center
N141 - Home Health Lecture
N141L @ Fresno Health Department
N142 - Advanced Skills Assessment

ROTC

MS 150B - Leadership Lab
MS 141 - Ethics and Military Professionals

I'm glad I have priority registration. It's good to be first in line.

~~

The other day I was craving Hello Pandas. You know, the cute little biscuits with fruit filling. And they have cute little pandas doing different little things on the biscuits.

So I went looking for some in my house and do you know, I found a box!

I decided to sooth my craving as I surfed the net.

After a short length of time, my cute little Hello Pandas went missing! I searched high and low, to and fro, but I couldn't find them. If you find them, please let me know?

CAUTION: SPOILERS AHEAD

I realized after my Hello Pandas went missing that Ryuzaki recently ate Hello Pandas before he passed away.

WAH?! One of them is cut into half! What about animal cracker's rights?!

Yep. That's how you eat them. With both biscuits in your hand taking lil bits here and there alternating hands.

SPOILERS END HERE

~~

AHHH!!!! Only 4 more weeks of school! I can't wait, but I'm also scared. This semester is going by so fast! I was hoping it was, but it's just a shock that it'll all be over in a month! And I'm not ready! AHHH!!!

I took this drive-by-photo-shot on the way home last week. At least he's being honest.

I am: steadfast

2007-04-08T23:45:00.000-07:00

AHH!!!

Spring break is over!

This last week was just awesome. Sleeping in, watching the telle, going out with friends, watching concerts; it was just too fun. So sad to see it go. *sigh* It was a well deserved break from school.

Now that the break is over, time for the work to continue! Major papers are due this week and a test is next week, along with training for next weekend. Busy stuff back to back to back! It's the last 4-6 weeks of school. Time to actually do some hw! Isn't that right everyone?

Today I had a chance to look over my possible schedule for next semester. I feel better that more choices are open to me in terms of what time I can go to certain classes. I plan on taking 2 online classes. The online class I'm currently taking isn't that bad. I figure 2 online classes won't hurt a bit. I still can't decide between CHEM 170 - Chemistry in the Marketplace, NSCI 125 - Revenge of the Killer Microbes, or ANTH 161 - Bio/Behavioral Evolution of the Human Species. The chem class seems really interesting, the natural science class seems really REALLY interesting, and the anthropology class seems really really REALLY interesting. I want to take them all! But I can't.

Looking at my possible schedule, I saw that I can make time to work at a hospital, if someone hires me. I'm currently looking at applying at different hospitals around the area to see if I can get a job that I can work a 12 hour shift once or twice every 2 weeks. That will be good experience for me as a nurse and will help me practice my skills. Needles anyone?

Last couple weeks until the end of the semester! I have decided from the beginning of the semester that I will take it head on. I'm more than half way! I'm almost there! Summer is coming!

Note to self: Many restaurants and stores are closed in Fresno on Easter holiday. Plan ahead before making a scavenger hunt for food on Easter Sunday.

I am: unproductive

2007-04-06T01:38:00.000-07:00

5th day of spring break! My sister gets 2 weeks off. grr... I don't want to go back to school.

Actually, I did set goals for myself this break. I was going to get ahead of my school work by doing all my essays and papers done this week so I can focus on studying for my finals. So far I've gotten some of my work done. I've finished a could online quizzes and tests and finished on some paper work here and there. I even started on my project that's due later this month.

What really happened for most of the week was, I GOT HOOKED ON THE TV SERIES 24!!!

I finished season1 two days ago and I'm more than halfway done with season 2. I can't believe I turned into a TV junkie this week! I could never see myself like this; being hooked on a TV show in which I'm watching all the episodes in a row and only stopping to eat, drink, or pee. I've never done a marathon like this. Sure, I'll watch a couple episodes of anime, like 2 or 3 in a row, but I have never watched 8 hour long episodes in a row NON-STOP.

I know it's spring break and that I need to relax, but I feel bad. I feel like I should be doing something more. I feel that I should be sitting in front of the screen watching Kim getting into trouble all the time and Jack doing the impossible. I still have lots of work to do, but I'm putting it off. Why am I putting it off? For a ~~tv show~~ addictive tv show.

Is it wrong to feel guilty about not doing work on vacation? I know I have a lot of things to do, but is it acceptable to feel guilty about not relaxing when I should? I'm blessed in the spring semester that we have a week off mid-semester, unlike in the fall. I should be catching up on sleep, reading my bible, and to spend time with family. I have been doing these things, but not as much time as I am glued to 24.

I believe time management during a vacation is necessary. I should have been more wise with the time I had this week. I should have planned out days where I can do whatever I wanted and times in which things needed to be done. I spend time with my family at night when everyone gets home and I'm taking my sister out to see Olivia the Band tomorrow night. I most definitely need to continue reading God's word this week.

Okay, enough of this guilt trip. I'm ready to get to work!

Here are a couple pics from 2 months ago from Hollywood. *my camera just came back from L.A. the other day. I can't believe I left her behind. I missed her a lot.*

A real life storm trooper and sith lord! Batman was recently was arrested on this street for illegally using a union worker's port-a-potty. Vid and story here.

Bruce Lee!

It was the Sunday before the Oscar awards at the Kodak theater. They had a lil museum of the history of the Oscar and was promoting the event for next week.

I am: humbling myself

2007-03-31T00:45:00.000-07:00

Serving God can be lots of fun.

Good job praise team! I'm glad to work with you all for the glory of God!
(Photo credit to Mr. Price)

Oh yeah, spring break started yesterday!

Plans:

Today: Snowboarding
Sunday: Church
Monday - Sat: Studying, essays, online quizzes

Well, at least I'm starting off my spring break right. With SNOW! Interesting how most people tend to go to the beach. I'm doing the opposite. Going to the beach this spring break sounds good too... hm...

I am: blessed

2007-03-27T23:53:00.000-07:00

Happy 50th Birthday dad!

I'm like'n my new bass guitar.

One paper and a test left this week before spring break.

Friends are coming and going like potassium and sodium.

I don't know why I said that last sentence.

Just 2 more days...

I am: pathetic

2007-03-21T22:53:00.000-07:00

Worry, worry, worry... That's what college students do.

Our bible study lesson talked about worrying and how we shouldn't worry. Right after I got into my car, God gave me a chance to exercise what I learned.

I get into my car to drive home to work on the last 7 pages of my paper due at 7am the next day, when I reach into my right pocket for my cell phone. Hm. Not there. I reach for my left pocket. Hm. Not there either. I look into my backpack and other possible places that I could have dropped it in my car. Not there either.

I start to panic a lil bit. I mean, I've only lost my life. My cell phone has my daily planner on it that I sync from my computer. It also has all my contacts (which I back up on my comp on a regular basis) and has some G-14 classified information. So in actuality, if I indeed lost my cell phone, I had everything backed up and could easily transfer my stuff to a new cell phone.

So, I was stuck with 2 choices: Go retrace my steps and search for my cell phone or go home and finish my paper.

I prayed about it as I was leaving the church parking lot. I prayed for peace of mind as I make my decision.

I ~~went~~ rushed back to school. Sped and almost got into a couple accidents. All for a cell phone that contained my life.

I figured I left it in the University Student Union at Fresno State when I rushed out of there in the early evening just before bible study. I went in to the places I was at and searched for it. No cell phone. I find my friend Q and asked if I could use his phone to call myself. It turns out that someone already picked it up and said that he was going to turn it in to the police the next morning. We met at the USU and I thanked him for bring it back to me and offered to give him a monetary cash reward. He refused and I thanked him again. There are still some decent people left in this world.

I already came to the conclusion that I don't need to worry about retrieving my cell phone because everything was backed up already. Plus there is the possibility of picking it up tomorrow at school. However, I was so caught up with the necessity of having it in my hands that I was willing to risk my life for it. I believed I needed it more than I needed to finish my paper. I just couldn't let go.

In the end it all worked out. I'm safe and my cell phone is safely charging and set for 5am to remind me to get ready for clinical at the hospital tomorrow. However, I did kinda risk my life for my phone. I feel pathetic. I justify risking my life for my cell phone because I couldn't let go of the fact that I wouldn't be able to complete my tasks or make contacts with people I need to for the next day. Cell phones are easily dispensable. I'm not.

I've learned my lesson. I hope I don't have to go through an experience like that again. Worrying is not the healthiest thing in the world. And it can make you do stupid things. Just don't worry. Just don't do it.

Side note: I heard eating an apple instead of that cup of coffee is a better way to keep yourself up. I'm going to try it out as I finish my paper tonight.

I am: anticipating

2007-03-18T21:31:00.000-07:00

Dad's surprise 50th birthday was a success! My mom had my dad go out with her to get stuff for her "farewell party." My mom then had her friend decorate the house and helped guide people to our house to set the surprise. Everything was going well according to my mom. However, as my dad was pulling up to our empty driveway, he sees his mom standing outside on our front lawn. My dad was confused; there was no reason in his mind for his mom to come to Fresno without calling ahead of time. Then he went inside with my mom and 40 people inside the house yelled, "Surprise!"

My dad really didn't know what was going on. My mom and I desguised the party as a farewell party from her old job. We said we need this and that. My dad even cooked to help prepare my mom for her party. I bet he was surpised when he found out he was cooking for his own party!

I'm glad it all worked out. The food was great, the program was meaningful, a lot of my dad's relatives were able to come, and everyone liked the video I put together. My dad was happy. He deserves it.

Sad thing is my camera is STILL in L.A. My grandma hasn't sent it back and it's been a MONTH! I miss my camera. But hopefully I'll be getting that new Canon Powershot TX1. I want to wait until more reviews come out at the end of this month when it's released and test it out myself at the store. I hear the video quality is a bit grainy. I don't currently mind about HD video.

This week:

Monday - paper due @ Midnight
Thursday - paper due @ 7am
Saturday - ROTC trip to Camp Parks

Next week:

Monday - OB test @ 2.30pm; Delirious? and Rebecca St. James concert @ 7pm
Thursday - ditch afternoon class to start spring break early?
Friday - Spring Break; United in Worship @ 7pm

I can't wait for spring break! Finally a time to catch up on sleep. Ah...

Side note: BSG - I feel sorry for Baltar. He's trying to find out who he is, even to the point that he is accepting that he could be the enemy so that he can start his life over again. Despite all the horrible things he's done, he believes he's the victim.

I am: wired

2007-03-15T21:36:00.000-07:00

NOTE TO SELF:

It's hard to take a nap even though your body is exhausted yet your brain is awake due to mounds of caffeine from Starbucks.

Now I just need to get it out of my system so I can rest for the loooooooooong weekend.

Don't tell my dad that it's his 50th birthday party this Saturday, ok?

I am: determined

2007-03-10T22:28:00.000-08:00

Ah... this week is the eye-of-the-storm week. The last several weeks have been non-stop action everyday. After this week more tests and papers due. This weekend was a good time to catch up on sleep and actually being at home. Even though I live at home, I'm not "at home." Makes complete sense eh?

My sister, mom, and I have been working on preparations for my dad's half-a-century party this Saturday. Only problems are: my sister is going out of town for a drum line competition, and I have ROTC training this weekend. My mom will not have our help this weekend. Both my sister and I can't get out of our responsibilities. We both need this. But we also can't miss our dad's birthday, especially at 50 years old. It's a good thing my mom decided to have the party 10 days before his real birthday so that his cousins, relatives, and friends from all over California can come. My sister and I figure we can still do something special for our dad on his real birthday. No worries. But I feel bad that I'll be missing out. All that food... all that baklava... all that lamb... mMm...

Oh yeah, go watch the movie "300." Awesome movie. Go watch it. Yey for freedom!